Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 65

This is another edition of Steam Greenlight Round-Up. Who cares? Why does Steam Greenlight exist? Why do we exist? As always these “reviews” are written with 100% bias and without actually playing the “games” in question.

Probably playing WoW, the frickin' nerd.

Hehehe what do you think he’s doing?

Potato Thriller

Oh no! The famous serial killer knows as the “Potato Man” is back and killing again! Maybe he will kill me before I have to look at this game again. “‘Potato Thriller’ is an insane horror/thriller/action game with a crazy story-line and constant changing gameplay mechanics.” Translation: it makes no sense and is not fun. The developer could not be bothered to even chose one type of game play. “Play as Quindalin, the best bounty hunter around.” What? What kind of name is that? That sounds like the name from a thirteen-year-old’s Star Trek fan fiction. “Explore the dark twisted world of the Potato man as you struggle to survive dangerous environments, encounter deadly enemies, meet strange characters, and come across many unexpected situations.” Quite a promise for a Steam Greenlight game, right? At least the English in this one makes sense. So it has that going for it, I guess. I dunno. This game just depressed me. I need to go eat a whole carton of ice cream.

Best Comment: Widdershins: “Lot of shit on GL today”

r/dumbassgreenlightgameswithcats

Reddit would eat this crap up.

Project K.Y.S.A.

Hey, remember that Five Nights at Freddy’s game that totally never was cloned a billion times? This game is 100% not one of those clones, but starring some Russian dude’s cat instead of animatronic animals. Oh, wait. It totally is! “It’s a summer!” Oh, just “a summer?” There are so many things I want to say about this sentence already. Let us just continue. “Time to earn some money, for buy interesting things…” What? What does that mean? Can one of my readers decipher this? “…and to spend the holidays fun.” Oh. Oh, no. This makes even less sense! Now my head hurts. “But… where to find a job?” I… do not know. I cannot do this anymore. “FAMILY CAFE WITH PETS IN SEARCH OF A SECURITY GUARD!” Why? Why does this exist? Why is my life…. this?! “Protect our pets, watch to the mechanisms are not stolen and earn 90$ for 5 days!” $90 a day! Whooooa! That is some big moolah! Wait… what is the catch? “…” I knew it. Your silence tells me there IS a catch. Now to just find out what it is. “Your work week has started” Wait. I did not agree to work for you yet! I still need to find out the catch! Oh, well. I am sure I will find it soon. I mean, it cannot be that bad, right?

Best Comment: AlecZer: “This looks terrible, barely even a game at all 0.5 / 10 only because of the cat”

Valve, shut Steam Greenlight down... NOW!

What even is this?

Driving Shooters

What? What even is this? A box with a gun on it? Honestly, this sort of stuff should not surprise me coming from Steam Greenlight, but it still does. Just look at the game’s description. “Driving Shooters is a innovative new game that combines the age-old genres of racing and first person shooters.” Yes, the name of this game is Driving Shooters. Probably the worst name in the world. Who wants to bet that this “innovative” game is not innovative at all? “in driving shooters you play on a team of two, one of you controlling a turret and the other controlling a vehicle.” If, you know, you can actually find someone to play this game with you. “your team tries to get the most hits while also avoiding getting shot.” Pretty much just standard shooter stuff so far. Nothing innovative here. “It is a combination of co-op and multiplayer, each round consists of 4 teams versus each other in a deathmatch.” Again, this assumes anyone will want to play this crap. “If you get killed you can keep spectating.” Awesome! I cannot wait to watch a game I did not want to play in the first place! “if you win you can upgrade your vehicle, and your teammate can upgrade his turret.” Wait, so we cannot be the turret controller? We have to drive in each game? Sounds boring! “your teammate is chosen by you from your steam friends.” Who will then quickly unfriend you for making you play this crap. Great!

Best Comment: Mundaneye: “How much did you take out of your parents wallet to get this game on greenlight?”

3 comments on “Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 65”

  1. I take it from the last line that developers must pay to be put on Greenlight? If that’s the case then why would Valve ever shut it down? They don’t have to do jack since most of the games are awful and will never be voted up, and they still get cash for hosting them. If a good game happens to make it on there and is greenlit, then that’s also good for Valve as they can point to that as their system at work and get more devs to feed into their system. Win/Win/Win for Valve.

  2. I can’t wait until I can join three soon to be former friends in playing Driving Shooters. The idea of either, 1.) driving around looking for things to shoot, but being unable to, or 2.) trying to aim while being constantly frustrated by the fact that my idiot friend is driving like a drunk and constantly swerving for no reason.
    Better yet, I’ll just throw my computer out into the yard and watch grass grow around it.

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