News: NX an Hoax

j/k - the NX will probably be worse than anything depicted in this picture.
[PICTURED]: The totally legit prototype of the Nintendo NX!

NX Controller Leak Was a Hoax

Last weekend news broke that a picture of Nintendo’s new NX prototype controller had leaked its way onto the internet. It was a ridiculous oval shape, and lacked any physical face buttons, as it apparently just used the device’s touch screen for button inputs. In fact images of the device looked just like the NX patents which surfaced in December of last year – which is exactly why one did not report on the story in last week’s post. The shape of the device looked to be utterly ridiculous and impractical in the patent design, so one imagined that Nintendo would almost certainly give it an ergonomic redesign before actually assembling their prototypes and disseminating them throughout the outside world. When the ‘leaked’ NX prototype was seen to have strictly adhered to the patent one dismissed it as a forgery, and so did not report on it.

Something happened midweek to make one do an about-face on the whole hoax stance, as another game blog released another NX controller leak from a completely different source – making the initial ‘leak’ appear to be fairly rock solid. As a result one was completely committed to writing about how Nintendo’s NX plans had been revealed until mere hours ago when both leaks were shown to be complete hogwash. In the case of the first ‘leak’ it was revealed that the source was able to fake the photo by designing the NX controller in a digital modelling program. The second leak was even more elaborate, as a Youtuber going by the name Frank Sandqvist revealed that he had recreated the hoax controller in 3D software, and had then used a 3D printer to create a physical forgery. Ultimately, this ‘leak’ has not panned out, and when we do finally see Nintendo’s NX controllers they will almost certainly be redesigned into a more ergonomically and aesthetically pleasing shape. However, readers should not be too mollified by this artifice, as there has been persistent rumours that the NX controller will not have face buttons, so it is entirely possible that Nintendo’s final revision of the NX controller will feature many of the bad design elements evident in this hoax gamepad.

... Nintendo saw to that.
Nothing. Literally nothing will save the Wii U.

Wii U to Cease Production

In other Nintendo news all lame things must come to an end. Nintendo can say that ‘the NX will not replace the Wii U’ all they like, but they have just consigned it to the dusty old broom closet like so many forgotten Wiis. After just over three years on the market, and just under thirteen million consoles sold, Nintendo have this year decided to call it quits on their failed Nintendo Wii U console – this before ever implementing that long-promised second tablet-controller functionality [like anyone expected it to happen]. According to Nikkei the Wii U will end production some time this year and many Wii U peripherals have already ceased production some time ago. This should not be surprising given how poorly the Wii U has been performing, yet it is still a little surprising to see a console being discontinued before its successor is even unveiled – though to be fair Nintendo likely has enough built up Wii U stock to last them for years to come.

Sony’s PS2 was released in Japan in May of 2000 and it did not cease production until the start of 2013, which was after the release of the Wii U. By contrast the Wii U was released at the end of 2012 and will cease production some time during 2016. To the best of one’s knowledge both the PS3 [2006] and Xbox 360 [2005] are still in production, yet soon the Wii U will not be. Nintendo’s own GameCube, widely viewed as a failed console, launched at the end of 2001 and was not discontinued until 2007 – it had sold over twenty-one million units, which is nearly twice that of the Wii U. With the Wii U Nintendo launched shit underpowered hardware with a controller that could only be used for two hours at a time on account of dire battery life. Nobody bought into it and all games, save for the ones developed by Nintendo, ceased in their production. Nintendo fucked up with the lack of a proper 3d Mario title, and they fucked up by dint of their preoccupation with B-titles like Pikmin 3. When Nintendo finally did have some interesting looking games on the horizon they fucked them up with poor localisations and unnecessary censorship. Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE looks awesome, but has already been confirmed for containing loads of unnecessary censorship, and probably a very bad Treehouse translation. Now the NX is coming out, and the controller probably will not have any buttons. Why would anybody buy into such a shit company? Why would anyone buy such awful products? Nintendo deserve their failure.

Hey, at least we have airships...
For better or worse release is now immanent.

Final Fantasy XV News

Several details about Square Enix’s upcoming albatross, Final Fantasy XV, have emerged ahead of their Uncovered event where the release date for the game is set to be announced in just a few days on March 30. There has been a persistent rumour floating around that the game’s release date has already leaked, and is set to be September 30, so we will see in a few days whether there is any truth to this.

In terms of the game’s progress, Hajime Tabata has revealed in an interview that while the team has targeted a consistent 30fps framerate, they have not been able to achieve this yet in every instance. He says that the team will be working from now until the game launches to bring the framerate up to 30fps – which makes it sound like they are in the final phase of the game’s production: adding polish. This phase tends to last between two and three months for most developers, though it could last much longer in this instance if the rumours about a September release prove to be correct.

To aid with polishing up Final Fantasy XV‘s framerate it was this week announced that Square Enix has licensed software from a company by the name of Umbra which assists them in culling off-screen geometry in order to ensure that the engine is only working to render graphics which are actually visible to the player:

By using Umbra, frame-rate performance could be improved over two times than before in characteristic scenes. The tool is extremely easy to use with a simple API build that allows paralleling computation to be handled with ease as well.

Lastly, Hajime Tabata has this week revealed several welcome details about the game. Cactaurs have been confirmed for enemies, and are said to be so quick that they can even avoid the player’s Shift Breaks. Airships have been confirmed, so we should all cross our fingers that their inclusion is more tangible than simply acting as a facade overlaying a fast travel system. And finally, Tabata claims that the game’s volume is now up to fifty hours of gameplay to complete the main quest. This is up from the forty hours of gameplay he claimed several months ago, so hopefully it is not all just padding. At any rate, expect more Final Fantasy XV news next week after the Square Enix event.

... I meant sweets, you perv!
Dagashi Kashi is a show about a girl putting things in her mouth…

Anime Spotlight: Dagashi Kashi (2016)

It has been a while since has tackled a series explicitly dedicated to lewdness, so one figured he was on safe territory with an anime about a big titted sweet fiend with a special interest in senpai. Not so much. Sadly one cannot always judge a book by its cover. Kokonotsu is being pressured into taking over his father’s business running a sweet shop, but really he just wants to be a manga artist. Hotaru is the well-endowed daughter of the head of a famous snack company who has come to recruit Kokonotsu’s father, but she cannot do this until he agrees to take over the shop. Saya is the final piece of the love triangle, she is the girl next door who runs the local cafe, and she has had a crush on Kokonotsu since they were children. If Dagashi Kashi could be said to have one strength it would be extremely likeable characters, more so than most anime. The eccentric Hotaru in particular deserves special mention as being super cute [and lovingly animated], and entertaining as all hell when she goes off on one of her rants about sweets. Sadly, in the first three episodes the plot does not really go anywhere – and by plot one of course means fan service. In most other fanservicey animes the protagonist would have at least been slapped by now after accidentally fondling someone’s breasts, yet all that Dagashi Kashi gives us after three episodes is a very brief shower scene and Hotaru accidentally spilling some sugar on her chest. This situation might be more tolerable if there was a more interesting plot to pick up the slack, yet sadly Dagashi Kashi does not seem at all interested in telling a story. One is hesitant to completely write-off the series because the characters are excellent, so the show could become instantly compelling if everything were to just click into place in a later episode – however, the first three episodes move so slowly that one feels disinclined to watch any more of it.

Or for an alternate take on the series:

Dagashi Kashi looks like the remains of a failed hentai; to save his work the author added clothes in every sex scene and replaced all the penises with food.

Dagashi Kashi began its run on January 7 and there are currently twelve episodes available on Funimation, some of them dubbed [the dub is good]. Simulcasts are on Friday at 9:30 pm Eastern, and new episodes of the dubbed version are broadcast on Wednesday at 8:00 pm Eastern. One could really go either way on Dagashi Kashi.


  1. I was fooled by the NX “leak”, but I should have known; Nintendo certainly wouldn’t release a slim device with a capacitive screen – however ungainly.

    No, the next console, which will probably have Wii in the title somewhere, since they can’t let go of that, will be chunky, oddly large, and “feature” resistive touch screen(s) – because 2006.

  2. The best part of that mock-up being unofficial is that Nintendo will now steal it and it will become official.

  3. I still say it will just be another console refresh just like PS4 is rumored to do. “NEW” Wii U.

    I personally think they should just move out of the console market because even though their first party and partner games have been on the whole pretty good there have been a few recent sinkers. (Including my rant about FE: Fates as seen a few pages back) that make me apprehensive they can even compete on that level anymore.

    Especially when Sega owns Atlus a company that has yet to do anything wrong by their American fan-base.

    Short list of Wii U games that are worth it:
    Hyrule Warriors
    Smash Brothers (I mean of course)
    Bayonetta II (And remake of 1)
    Mario Maker

    Honestly there might be other good ones too but none that I’m brave enough to throw down full retail on. Not especially since the new Amiibo Card crap and the greater reliance on the stupidest form of physical DLC I’ve ever seen.

    Seriously though would anyone be opposed to paying full retail for the PC version of Splatoon? Xenoblade Chronicles X could be modded on PC to have all the cut content restored or even better you can enhance certain features and add additional content and costumes.

    I’m just spitballin here though but yeah.

  4. @Cari: “I personally think they should just move out of the console market”

    Whilst you were typing this, I was speculating about it in this week’s podcast recording.

  5. That said, it will probably continue as a stripped-down version (Wii mini) or a revised legacy model (NES-101, SNES Jr.)…

Comments are closed.