Editorial: Urinals, Umbrellas, and Unova

Just like the sides of a Pentagon, this is the fifth editorial in the ever so popular series of editorials about Pokemon games. Now, it is time to embark on a journey to the Unova region which features four, count ’em, four titles rather than the standard three. This is due in part to there not being a culminating game such as Pokemon Platinum and instead being two separate sequels to each edition, leading to the titles of Pokemon Black, White, Black 2, White 2.

That reference works better when the author can use contractions.

He is the map, he is the map, he is the map, he is the map, HE IS THE MAP.

Pokemon Black and White launched in Japan on September 18th, 2010, just a couple days after two years after Pokemon Platinum which launched on September 13, 2008. Some of the coolest additions to the franchise from these titles were the Pokemon Dream World, which was a website that players could connect their handheld gaming device to in order to make new Pokemon friends and gather rare berries which they could bring back to their game (RIP, shut down January 14th, 2014). Another neat little add-on was the inclusion of seasons, another upgrade from the pre-existing time system, which could even change the sprites of certain Pokemon based on the season along with other visual changes. Other so-so inclusions are rotation battles and triple battles which are cute but ultimately useless in the long run, and they also added a word filter which banned certain name inputs which is complete and utter ********.

It is impressive that Game Freak is able to add so many things, the awe! The pomp and circumstance!

Look at all these things going on, is the player not sufficiently stimulated visually yet?

Now, one of the most entertaining topics of discussion involving Pokemon Black and White is Team Plasma, the weirdest villain group in a Pokemon game due to their sheer awkward cult-like behavior. Their goal is to liberate Pokemon by stealing them away from their trainers or by convincing them on a moral standpoint to release them. Overall, they are basically a bunch of jackasses who have no idea what they are talking about or doing and instead became PETA incarnate. As per usual the protagonist defeats them they decide to back off and they learn the error of their ways maybe or maybe not with the subtle ambiguity as to whether or not they have truly been defeated. While Team Plasma is definitely a step up from previous Pokemon villains, they just do not have the joyfulness of those before them which makes pretty “meh” in general.

It is just like when mom and dad fight at the dinner table.

Two legendaries face before each other, in the battle of a life-form.

To conclude this totally tubular editorial, it is time to talk about the sequels to Pokemon Black and White which of course are Pokemon Black 2 and White 2. These two games continue the story of the originals, because as players know the story is why many play Pokemon games in the first place, and canonically take place two years after Pokemon Black and White. Locations vary as some and newly locked off while others are now accessible to the player, but a main gripe had by some can be found in the middle ground the title treads between ultimate edition and genuine sequel due to the addition of new story elements and locations. But in the end, Pokemon is Pokemon, and that is a beautiful thing.

Whoop, there it is, the four Pokemon games that take place in the Unova surgically dissected in an erotic fashion. Did you like the addition of two new Pokemon editions rather than the usual one, or were you disgusted by the corporate greed of the matter? Make sure to leave a comment below and let us know what you think!

2 comments on “Editorial: Urinals, Umbrellas, and Unova”

  1. Honestly I rather liked this one. I especially liked N. This was much more compelling than the most recent edition of “FASHION IS EVILLLLLLL”.

  2. I thought that B/W were pretty good, although X/Y were far, far better.

    One of the major improvements in the 3DS PKMN games is in the area of story. It seems like the developers are willing to create a more complex world where good and evil are not quite so clearly delineated (although they are still somewhat simplistic), and where the actors have (partially) reasonable motivations for their actions.

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