Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 71

Ah yes, another week of Steam Greenlight. Another week of hell. Another week of wishing I were dead. Oh well, what can ya do, eh? As always these “reviews” are written with 100% bias and without playing the “games” in question.

WOW! A bush AND a tree?! Who woulda thunk it?
I usually try to find ACTUAL screenshots for these games, but this one was too good to ignore.

The Survivor

Hey, everyone! Are you ready for the next big open-world, survival/crafting game? Well, this sure as heck is not the next big thing! This game does nothing special, so it really should not exist in the first place. Just read the game’s description: “Your first goal is to survive at all costs. To succeed, you will need to quickly find what you need.” Wow, such detail! This really makes me… just want to play either Rust, Minecraft, or DayZ. Note to this developer: if you are going to essentially copy other more popular franchises, at least do something special. Why would we buy your game that is exactly like these other ones that 90% of gamers already own? Wow, and check out that audio-less video! And those screenshots of “Brush and Tree,” “Ore and Stone,” and “Construction!” It is almost as if the screenshots look exactly like every other game in this genre! STEAM GREENLIGHT!

Best Comment: 2_CRAZY: “you can play this right now just turn zombies off in 7 days to die and bam the same game”

Tales of a Failed Steam Greenlight Project
More like Tales of What is Even Happening Here?

Tales of Destruction

“Tales of Destruction is a new First person Survival Shooter game on Greenlight. TOD has 5 maps, where the players whom are portrayed as solders will have to find the respective treasure without getting killed.” There is so much one could say about this sentence alone. 1. This is already on Steam Greenlight, so we can assume it is new. You do not have to tell us. 2. Why are you showcasing that it has five maps? That is the size of one map pack from Call of Duty. Not the entire game. A single, downloadable optional map pack. 3. So, are they ACTUAL soldiers (notice I spelled it right. Spell check is you friend, future Steam Greenlight developers), or are they just people pretending to be soldiers? Like those guys who go to airsoft fields every weekend because they were too fat or scared for real military work? 4. What treasure? Why is there treasure? Is this a remake of Ducktales? Please, do not change the Moon level theme too much. 5. Oh, we do NOT want to be killed. I get it now. That is totally different from every other multiplayer FPS. NOT! (I’m bringing this back.)

Best Comment: haha cool: “dude, work on the intro, it doesn’t look fun at all, and some people judge the game just by the box, or in this case, intro”

Warzone Screenshot
Warzone Screenshot


Yep, another crappy FPS on Steam Greenlight. Wait, unless this brings something new to the table? Nope, it does not. Just see for yourself: “It’s about a unique world…” NOPE! “…different rules…” NUH UH! “…and a different style!” No sir! “The main idea is that all players enjoy their time without having any weapon at the start of the game …” The developer even includes his own ellipsis here. Almost as if he or she typed this, paused to realize it is all a lie, and then continued with the BS. “…but everything will change once you hear the alarm …” Again, another ellipsis. Again realizing this is a mistake. “8 players go through 4 gates !!” For what? Why? You keep saying this is “unique,” but you have not shown us anything unique. You need to explain your game! …”just make sure to get your guns before the enemy does.” Yes, this is not new or unique. This has been the standard for most FPS multiplayer games since the mid-90s. Stop posting this crap on Greenlight!

Best Comment: HellBox: “hm , look graphic terible. but i vote yes.”

One comment

  1. I expect to see streams of ALL of these games, preferably with other players (ha ha ha).

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