Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 76

Wow, 76 years of Steam Greenlight! Let us hope Greenlight goes on for another 76! Or dies in a firey death tomorrow. Either one works for me. As always these “reviews” are written with 100% bias and without actually playing the “games” in question.

Typical crappy game mechanics.

Oh, a generic health pack at the bottom of a lake.

The Monster

Here we have Generic First-Person Shooter #7415… oh, no? Oh, this is actually called The Monster. What exactly IS this “Monster?” Who knows and who cares? This game is probably the most generic looking thing I have ever “reviewed” for these articles. The guns are generic, the environments are generic, and the textures are generic. Not one single unique thing can be found here. Not even the game’s description tells us who this “Monster” is. We have zombies and aliens, and apparently the goal is to get to a spaceship? Is the spaceship the “Monster?” The player is also directed to kill “strangers,” so basically just shoot everything one sees. Wait. I get it now: WE are the “Monster.” How deep….

Best Comment: Lord Crocosquirrel: “Yet another zombie-ridden survival shooter. Let’s not and say we did, k?”

VAPE NATION!!!

#420

Mystical

This is one of those stupid “artsy” indie games where everyone will talk about how “beautiful” and “gorgeous” and “unique” is it, but forget that the gameplay, plot, and mechanics are trash. Except this game also looks like trash and, since it is a Steam Greenlight game, nobody will ever play it. According to the game’s description the player controls some house keeping robot that falls in love with a gem…? So, you basically play as Rosie the Robot from The Jetsons and you want to get it on with like a ruby or something. Whatever. “The game mode is basically jumping between platforms, avoiding obstacles and if you fall you start all over again.” Wow, sounds like fun! Repeating the same jumping puzzles over and over again! What great game mechanics! Naw, we do not need checkpoints in our game. I do, however, bring some good news: this game DOES have a demo available to download. Which means that I WILL be playing it for my next Twitch stream! Attendance is mandatory.

Best Comment: Skoardy: “The video just makes it look like the player is failing due to the game being fiddly and awkward to control, not through player error. Not an appealing prospect.”

The best around!

GOTY!

Not In My Crapper!

This is… probably the best game ever made! There is poop! And toilets! And aliens! And you get to shoot your poop from your butt into the aliens! The best part is that all this happens AROUND the toilet! I guess even Steam Greenlight can get it right sometimes!

Best Comment: Andi: Just awesome! :D”

3 comments on “Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 76”

  1. Yes! We get to see on of these “games” on the Twitch stream! If only we could see Not in My Crapper as well as Mystical – but I see they want $0.99 for the “game” and I don’t think its “worth” can really be measured in money…

  2. Combine the graphics of Mystical with the gameplay of Not In My Crapper, and you’ve got yourself a game. Then make it a FPS with a butt for a gun and name it Ass Blasters 2: Electric Poopoopoop. I know Greenlight devs are visiting this page for ideas, so get started on it.

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