First off, this editorial must be prefaced that Lusipurr.com staff encourages their readers to “Bust a Move” as it is what Young MC would have wanted, may his career rest in peace. Second, this editorial was crafted thanks to the brilliance of Bup, who at the time of this post reigns over Lusipurr.com thanks to the successful Summer of Smash which unlocked his rise to power as a stretch goal. So, this editorial will happily discuss three of gaming’s most sexually promiscuous (Bup’s exact word was horniest) characters and their battles in the bone zone. Truly, an editorial of this caliber has not yet been forged by mortal hands, but anything is possible with the power of Bup.
First up, is none other than everyone’s favorite horndog, leisure-suit wearing Larry Laffer who dates all the way back to 1987 in his very first video game released titled, Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Lounge Lizards. Since then, he has spent what is soon to be 30 years attempting to bang broads all over the world by either going to health spas or sailing on a cruise ship in search for [REDACTED]. Unfortunately though, in the recent years Larry has definitely landed himself into the world of obscurity as his latest release was a Kickstarted remake of the first game which ended up receiving negative reviews and landed Al Lowe, the series creator, into re-retirement. Despite his newfound unpopularity, Larry Laffer will surely be remembered in gaming history for his risqué titles that are still able to be found on sites like GOG.com and are definitely worth checking out either to learn more about them or to chuckle at some very “of-the-times” humor.
Next, would be a true hero in the realm of sexual liberation in a world of chains and shackles, albeit not the sexy kind. That hero, would be none other than the protagonist of the hit 2015 PC game, Huniepop which is able to merge the intensity of Bejeweled with the light-hearted fun of sex with humans, catgirls, Goddesses, and maybe even an alien. While the player can select the protagonist’s gender in the very beginning, almost everything except for a few pronouns here and there is exactly alike no matter the package the protagonist is rocking. The game’s main premise is to take the winnable women on five dates, and if the 5th one goes well the protagonist is able to get lucky. The player is then rewarded with a pornographic image of the women in question as well as her panties which are then collected through the game for a different kind of reward. Honestly, the protagonist in Huniepop gets around which is pretty awesome for everyone in question and the game is a recommended purchase for Bejeweled and boobie fans alike.
Believe it or not, the Sunflower from the N64 title Conker’s Bad Fur Day is an OG ride or die bitch and should be respected as such. Not often are players treated to a anthropomorphic Sunflower with gigantic bazongas, really huge baps, that have broken something as ceremonial as a Bee marriage only to get “pollinated” by the King Bee himself thanks to Conker’s help. As a reward, the Sunflower then allows Conker to bounce upon her ENORMOUS jugs which help him collect some nearby cash. The Sunflower is no average character, as she is a woman who is unafraid to break a home in order to get what she desires due to her insatiable sexual appetite. While other characters like Kratos are thought of when bringing up gaming’s horniest characters, not many can even hold a candle to the Sunflower and her kaiju-sized tiddies.
So, there you have it, an editorial all about the horniest video game characters known to man that would get Adeki fired on any other occasion. If you enjoyed this editorial and wish to thank both Bup and Adeki, or if you hated it and want the immediate resignation of the child who wrote this post, make sure to leave a comment below! Let us know what you think and if you have any recommendations for future editorials!