Miley Cyrus News: Everything Is Horny!

I hope you brought tissues!

If this face doesn’t make you horny, then you haven’t a pulse!

Gender Fluid Lipstick Makes Miley Horny

This week it has been conclusively revealed that nothing makes Queen Miley more horny than gender fluid lipstick! Tyme Cosmetics has recently launched their ‘Gender Fluid’ line of lipsticks, while at the same time acknowledging Miley’s sapphic support by sending her out a letter of thanks, along with a bunch of ‘Gender Fluid’ product. Apparently lady Miley was absolutely instrumental to the ‘Gender Fluid’ marketing campaign by tweeting out the monumentally important hashtags #GenderFluid and #LoveIsLove. Love is certainly love to someone as horny as Miley Cyrus, and the designer of ‘Gender Fluid’, Justin Tyme, acknowledges her libidinous enthusiasm as such:

Miley, Hope you’ve been marvelous! You are one of the first to receive the “Gender Fluid” lipsticks by Tyme Cosmetics. I created this collection to help fund my equality nonprofit “I WORE Lipstick,” which is dedicated to raising awareness and benefit the equality of lipstick wearers. Enjoy.

~ Justin Tyme

So what exactly differentiates ‘Gender Fluid’ lipstick from other brands of lipstick on the market? Well it all comes down to the ‘gender fluid’ nature of the product, since traditional lipstick cannot be worn by ‘gender fluid’ people in the same way as it can by gay, straight, and trans folk with fixed gender identities. Perhaps it operates using the same technology as mood rings – changing from ‘fairy pink’ for when the wearer is feeling girly, to ‘rugged brown’ when the wearer is in more of a masculine frame of mind! Such an important breakthrough could certainly add a whole new dimension to preferred pronouns!! At any rate, depending on whether xir is feeling feminine or masculine, Miley will now be able to choose between Truth, Love, Pride, Courage, Chic, and Authentic varieties – because nothing signals authenticity quite so much as the inability to make up one’s mind between which gender to present as.

Greatest - and horniest!

[HOMEWRECKER]: Robin Thicke’s upper right thigh threatened to end the greatest love story of our generation!

Liam Hemsworth Makes Miley Horny

Liam Hemsworth defended his 2012 engagement this week, revealing that the contract was required to satiate Queen Miley’s prurient desires [because she was so horny]. At the time Hemsworth was 22 while Miley was just 19, yet this horny power couple did not consider the move to be premature on account of the fact that the horniness of the situation called for such decisive action to be taken.

I don’t think that was impulsive. That was a well thought-out idea.

Clearly a well thought out idea! The two began dating after co-starring together in the Nicholas Sparks film The Last Dong, and Hemsworth subsequently proposed. Sadly, the following year the couple called the engagement off citing irreconcilable horniness:

Of course it was hard, man. But at the time we were going in different directions and it’s just what needed to happen. We were both super horny and it was a good decision at the time—we both needed that.

Here Hemsworth is obliquely citing the passionate love affair that the inner crevasse of Miley’s rectum embarked upon with Robin Thicke’s upper right thigh – the two were kind of a big deal for a while there, but now Hemsworth is back on the scene, and is looking to make up for lost time with both Miley and the inner crevasse of her rectum.

No, don't do that! That's not what a pouch is for...

This constitutes an inappropriate use of Australian native fauna.

Kangaroos Make Liam Hemsworth Horny

Now that the insatiable power couple of horniness is back together, what fans of Miliam really have to wonder is whether the duo will last this time around. If Miley is not already concerned then she should be, after revelations detailing Liam Hemsworth’s adventurous sexual proclivities this week came to light on The Graham Norton Show. Hemsworth recalled his frank admission to Jennifer Lawrence on the set of The Hung Games that in the wake of his split from Queen Miley he took to having sex with kangaroos.

She often, right before a take, would turn to me and ask me if I liked having sex with kangaroos — anything along those lines.

His frank and earnest reply:

Absolutely! That’s what Australians do!

Queen Miley had better put a spring into her step if she wishes to compete with that! Hemsworth has a horniness that is truly equal to her own, which now sees her having to compete with the lewd lasciviousness of Australia’s native fauna. But then as the saying goes: Never bet against the horniness of a Cyrus!

As if having to compete with a kangaroo fetish is not liable to crowd Miliam’s upcoming marriage enough, it has this week also come to light that Billy Ray Cyrus actually wants to marry both Liam and Miley! This author is unsure quite how they do things in Kentucky, yet one is quite certain that this sort of thing is illegal throughout much of the continental United States. That being said, never bet against the horniness of a Cyrus!

6 comments on “Miley Cyrus News: Everything Is Horny!”

  1. I wonder: Is Gender Fluid secreted by the Miley rectum? Is this, in fact, the fountain of youth?

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