Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 81

Wow, 81 years of Steam Greenlight! May it continue on… never again. It is over. Now and forever. Or until I decide to start it up again. As always these “reviews” are written with 100% bias and without actually playing the “games” in question.

I can't wait for this game to get sued by whatever studio owns the Terminator franchise.

More like Call of Duty: Skynet Rising.

Skynet Rising

These days the gaming marking is so over saturated with first-person shooters that they have to do something really special to stand out. There is a new Call of Duty every year, which does not help with this at all. Very rarely is there a shooter that does not do something new or interesting, but the game is so good that it stands out among the crowd just for that, the new Doom is a good example. This game, however, is nothing but boring, bland garbage. Sure, the graphics are pretty decent, especially for a Greenlight game, but graphics do not make the game. This is just another generic “civilization has been destroyed and the player’s character has the only tool/skill to make things right again.” How many times have we seen this now? A million? Billion? Who even knows at this point. Basically what I am getting at is: why? Why make this game if it is not going to do anything special? Why waste your time on this garbage? The answer: who cares. It is Steam Greenlight. Nobody will ever play it in the first place. Why not use that time to make something unique or original? However, I do not think these are questions the average Greenlight developer asks of themselves.

Best Comment: naysko: “no please no more cod shooters thanks”

I wish I could jump out a window after seeing this game.

Every young man’s dream: seeing the inside of a women’s restroom.

Survive This: I’m Still Alive

This is… uh… yeah. Something. It exists. Kinda. This is a point-and-click survival horror adventure game. That looks like garbage. Why does every screenshot that that sepia tone over it? I guess you can make choices too? And each path has its own ending, but does anyone really care? I guess this game has something to do with zombies, but the description was so boring I stopped paying attention. In fact, I am getting a big sleepy just from writing this “review.” Sleepy… so sleepy. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. *snort* *cough* Oh, sorry I fell asleep there for a second! Oh well, this game sucks.

Best Comment: littlefish: “CAN’T UNDERSTAND IT”

A true diamond in the rough.

I’m in heaven.

Pooping Simulator

Very rarely do we find a true “winnner” in Steam Greenlight. A game that will rise up above the trash and garbage to become Game of the Year. This… this is that game. I cannot stop singing the praises of this game. Not only do you get to poop in the game, and control WHEN you poop, but there is also a cat you can shoo away. These are all elements of a truly great game. Please, do humanity a favor and vote for this game. This is the only way the rest of the world will be able to experience this treasure.

Best Comment: sixstarrs: “10/10”

5 comments on “Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 81”

  1. When can we expect a Pooping Simulator stream? I’ll get to work on forming a mod community around this game. Ideas welcome.

  2. That music again.

    I can no longer remember the first time I heard it; felt it…

    It has become more real to me that any other part of the gentle consciousnesses now; suspended as I am between the sheets of sound, and the actual satin fabric of the sheets themselves.

    For any other glorious instant I must hang on to this reverie. The tenderness of the song like a mother’s sweet singing to a babe in arms.

    And then the bond is broken. It feels rough; hard.

    Cheap.

    The lights above my bathroom vanity glare like the midday sun. I am blinded, but only for a moment. AMD then, there it is. The song.

    My toilet, overflowing, is making the sweet music that will sweep my off of my feet again, and into that secret, beautiful place I love.

    For now, however, I require a mop.

    (“Impressions of Poop Simulator” by J. S. P.)

  3. Author’s note:
    Never trust your smartphone when writing deeply meaningful verse. It will muck it up.

Comments are closed.