News: Tardy Fantasy

Is two months really enough time?
Presented in cinematic twelve frames per second!

Final Fantasy XV Has Been Delayed

It has finally happened. True to’s reporting on last week’s rumour, Final Fantasy XV has indeed been delayed until November 29. This has to be hugely embarrassing for Square Enix. They dropped a ton of cash in order to book an auditorium and host an exorbitant media unveiling of the game’s release date on the 30th of March this year. Hilariously, Square Enix jokingly displayed the game’s release date as being November 30, before counting down the months until the graphic reached the game’s initial release date of September 30 – and now the game’s revised release date is just a single day ahead of its joke release date, nice going guys! When rumours initially surfaced last week of the game’s delay fanboys were salty as fuck at the blogs reporting on it, claiming that the rumour was irresponsible and entirely debunked because some guy on the internet went into his local Gamestop and was told that the date had not changed. Once it became evident that the rumour was true these same people turned on Square Enix, claiming that they had been betrayed, and would not be buying the game when it launched November 29. These people would [in all likelihood] be all the better for not purchasing Final Fantasy XV, yet one has the sense that this is all just impotent bluster.

Really though, this delay is nothing but good news. It is just a pity that the game was not delayed for longer in order to fix more of its problems, yet the two month delay is appreciated nonetheless. has previously reported on a fairly recent rumour which suggested that the latter part of Final Fantasy XV was still in fairly rough shape, to the extent that the team still did not have anyone working on the game’s DLC. This was troubling because it seemingly did not leave Square Enix with enough time to finish the game ahead of launch.

It turns out that leading up to the date at which the game was set to go gold, the Final Fantasy XV team had been counting on pressing an unfinished version of the game onto PS4 discs and then completing it with a day-1 patch that was to be developed in the intervening six weeks between going gold and the game launching. At the last minute company decided to postpone the launch in order to give Final Fantasy XV the development time it needed, and thank fuck for that. The PS4 is not always going to have online support, and so if Square Enix had stuck to their initial release plans then owners of the game disc might have one day been permanently denied access to the finished version of the game, along with a patch to enable Playstation Neo features. Because of Square Enix’s decision to delay the game both of these things will now be pressed onto the game disc, and will thus be available in perpetuity.

Metal Gear has become Resident Evil, and Resident Evil has become Gone Home...
[PICTURED]: A real legit screen taken from Metal Gear: Survive.

Konami’s Zombie Cash Cow

Metal Gear is Konami’s zombie cash cow, now literally as well as figuratively. The last time that reported on Metal Gear the company was being assailed by angry fans after unveiling Metal Gear pachinko, but it seems that Konami were keen on convincing Metal Gear fans that this was no great travesty comparatively speaking, as all the while they [or more likely an outsourced third party] were busy developing Metal Gear: Survive. At least Metal Gear pachinko was recognisable as Metal Gear, Metal Gear: Survive on the other hand is Metal Gear in name alone.

Following the destruction of Motherbase at the end of Ground Zeroes, the survivors of the incident were sucked through wormholes into a desolate environment populated with zombies. Now these survivors must team up in groups of no greater than four in order to scavenge for resources and shoot zombies. Yes, Metal Gear: Survive is a four-player co-op zombie shooter, and its affiliation with Metal Gear begins and ends with its name.

Really, what is happening here is quite simple. Konami bet big on pachinko and mobile gaming as being two markets which would deliver them far greater profits, yet real life events have overtaken the greed of Konami, and have tanked the profitability of both industries. In both cases the excessive greed of companies has compelled the Japanese government to legislate against the predatory practices of amusements purveyors, which has served to kill off the profits that Konami had been greedily coveting. Now the company has burned their goodwill with gamers, and they do not even have a console gaming division worth the title, but what they do have is one well known IP that they can still leverage. This looks a lot like Konami’s cynical attempt to cash-out their chips while they are still worth something.

How much higher will they spin this web of self-delusion?
Something to replace corporate’s fascination with web 2.0!

VR Is Still the Next Big Thing

It has been hilarious to note the alacrity with which tech industry business analyst blogs have thrown their lot in with VR [or any new trend for that matter]. In many ways they are more of an enthusiast press than even the enthusiast press is. No sooner was VR announced, before these alleged business analysts were falling over one another to outbet the extent to which they predicted that VR would be the biggest thing ever. Mainstream video game blogs were also guilty of this, as the SJWs working there eagerly jumped on the VR bandwagon in the hopes that it would ‘legitimise’ the children’s toys that they write about for a living, but it really was the business analysts who took VR optimism to a whole new level. More sober and experienced game blogs like have pointed out since the outset that there are inherent problems with VR, and that the technology had already previously failed in the 1990s [just another way that the 90s were awesome] – but only now is this fact becoming too obvious to ignore. VR enthusiasts may or may not be here to stay as a meaningful niche within the gaming market, but what is certain is that VR will never be more than that. Not even if and when the technology becomes more affordable.

In the face of this the ‘analysts’ might have walked back from this blitheringly stupendous heroic assumption that VR adoption would drive the industry going forward, but this of course would mean sacrificing ego at the alter of humility, so of course heaping denial on top of delusion is preferable to simply admitting that their initial estimates were informed more by their hopes and dreams than they ever were by any kind of actual analysis. Thus the International Data Corporation is this week predicting that VR will enjoy an annual growth rate of about 181.3% over the next four years, skyrocketing the value of the VR industry from the 5.2 billion dollars that it is currently worth to a cool 162 billion dollars by 2020. However, It is not gamers that this firm is placing their hopes and dreams upon, but rather the corporate world who they now expect to shoulder the burden of their predictions by driving the growth of VR as a very expensive and unnecessary way of providing employee training.

Many corporations lack the technical competence to put together a useful website, much less produce their own internal VR software. For that matter many of them lack the capacity to create particularly effective training videos either. The thought that VR will now somehow become miraculously adopted across the corporate world is the stuff of pure nonsense. Obviously the corporate world employs enough pie-in-the-sky imbeciles to grow VR to an extent, as management will in some cases be convinced by these people to purchase expensive tech for the sake of productivity, only to see it never effectively used within their businesses – but such instances will not multiply the value of VR by over thirty times across the next four years. Moreover, any value that this corporate waste might represent to the VR industry will be null and void when these companies realise what a mistake it was, and subsequently stop investing in it.


  1. I piss on the head of anyone who bought into VR. I cannot recall the last time I have seen such an incredibly forced and ersatz lionization of a product, and consumers who reached for their wallets are nothing more than the source of a giant problem in the tech industry; that there are people who buy complete and utter shit. What virtual reality hole did Carmack crawl back into, I wonder? Might have to do some digging on that in my free time, but as far as I can tell, Zenimax is now out for a pint or two of his blood.

  2. Personally, I love watching all the exclusives poaching that is going on at the moment. VR is a complete shitshow, and it is being supported by PC owners who are happy to see their PC become a closed platform.

  3. Here is an interesting tid bit. Venture capital for Console/PC game development dried up ages ago. Recently, the big ticket for getting venture capital was mobile game development, that too has dried up for obvious reasons. Right now, the way to raise venture capital is VR, so a lot of people are rushing to take advantage of the market hype before the show stops. This is common with digital trends, remember after tablets blew up, everyone was like “consoles and PC gaming is dead”. Companies who get this venture capital money need these trend shills to reinforce their ability to screw angel investors.

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