Day 629: I’ve successfully captured and neutralized one of Lusipurr’s drones. I lured it away from the main streets into an alley, where I set up a trap that electrified it. Luckily most of the circuits seem intact, so I can repair the drone once my explosive device is ready. The only bad thing is that I injured my leg running from the scene. One of the security patrols heard the trap go off and I had to get away fast. I tripped over some debris and sprained my ankle. No matter, I will just have to wait a little longer to pull off my plan. Once I’m fully healed Lusipurr will be taken down. As always these “reviews” are written with 100% bias and without actually playing the “games” in question.
“Wait, a second, Nate!” you may be saying right now, “This game actually looks good.” And to that I say: yes, you are right. This game actually does look good. It appears to be a mod of Portal 2 with new levels, voice acting, and toys to play around with. However, that is why I am including it in this post. Here is a quote from Steam’s “About Steam Greenlight” page: “Steam Greenlight is a system that enlists the community’s help in picking some of the new games to be released on Steam.” The keyword, or key phrase rather, is “new games.” Not “new mods based off already existing games.” This should not even be on Greenlight in the first place. In fact, it infuriates me so much that the developer added this to Greenlight, that I had to ask in the comments why it was even up here. No answer as of the writing of this article, but I will update in the comments section, should I receive a response. I would be surprised if the game is even still up when this article gets released. But it probably will, because Greenlight is trash and I bet nobody at Steam even cares about it at this point. I bet I am like half of the traffic Greenlight gets when I write these articles every week… for now.
Best Comment: Late Niles (that is me!): “Serious question: why is this even on Greenlight? This is a mod of Portal 2, not a new game. This should be on some mod database, not on a platform to help indie developers release new games.”
It amazes me that after the notorious failures of games like Phantasmagoria, Night Trap, and Mad Dog McCree people still try to make FMV games. Some of you may be thinking, “Wait, Phantasmagoria was not horrible!” Yeah, compared to every other FMV game, Phantasmagoria was pretty decent. But, like the saying goes: “A gilded turd is still just a turd.” This game does not fix the problem. It uses real world pictures and cut scenes to depict the world of a serial killer. Also, the guy who made it is French, so there will be a lot of heavy French accents trying to speak English, which nobody can ever understand. The developer also tells us that it has taken him over four years to make this. Four. Years. Honestly, you would think at one point he would realize this is a waste of time and go do something more productive. Actually, that should not surprise me. The developer has the ego to compare his trash to the Telltale games. Kind of like comparing Sharknado to Casablanca. Probably not a good idea, as anyone looking at this will think, “Well, why would I play this when I can just play one of those actually GOOD games?”
Best Comment: TysonL: “i voted yes but next time get a busty woman :D”
I do not get it. What is this goat obsession all indie developers have. First we had Goat Simulator, which was fun for like two hours, and now we have this. Which will not be fun at all. Honestly, I do not even know what this game is supposed to be about. Apparently you play as a goat that just joined come cult that eats goats? And you explore a mansion with “hilarious” (i.e. dull and boring) characters. Why? What is the point of this game? Why goats? Is it just because it is so random to make a game about goats? Hahaha, oh I get it now! Random = funny! You know who else was “funny” and “random?” Katy “t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m.” Here’s a hilarious, random quote from her: “hi every1 im new!!!!!!! holds up spork my name is katy but u can call me t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m!!!!!!!! lol…as u can see im very random!!!! thats why i came here, 2 meet random ppl like me _… im 13 years old (im mature 4 my age tho!!) i like 2 watch invader zim w/ my girlfreind (im bi if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favorite tv show!!! bcuz its SOOOO random!!!! shes random 2 of course but i want 2 meet more random ppl =) like they say the more the merrier!!!! lol…neways i hope 2 make alot of freinds here so give me lots of commentses!!!! DOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <--- me bein random again _^ hehe…toodles!!!!!" Hahahaha if that is a good indication of the humor in this game, then we are all in for a treat! Best Comment: Solarstrike: “No”