Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 94

Day 629: I’ve successfully captured and neutralized one of Lusipurr’s drones. I lured it away from the main streets into an alley, where I set up a trap that electrified it. Luckily most of the circuits seem intact, so I can repair the drone once my explosive device is ready. The only bad thing is that I injured my leg running from the scene. One of the security patrols heard the trap go off and I had to get away fast. I tripped over some debris and sprained my ankle. No matter, I will just have to wait a little longer to pull off my plan. Once I’m fully healed Lusipurr will be taken down. As always these “reviews” are written with 100% bias and without actually playing the “games” in question.

Except this looks exactly like every room in Portal 2.

Wow, I’ve never seen this before!

Destroyed Aperture

“Wait, a second, Nate!” you may be saying right now, “This game actually looks good.” And to that I say: yes, you are right. This game actually does look good. It appears to be a mod of Portal 2 with new levels, voice acting, and toys to play around with. However, that is why I am including it in this post. Here is a quote from Steam’s “About Steam Greenlight” page: “Steam Greenlight is a system that enlists the community’s help in picking some of the new games to be released on Steam.” The keyword, or key phrase rather, is “new games.” Not “new mods based off already existing games.” This should not even be on Greenlight in the first place. In fact, it infuriates me so much that the developer added this to Greenlight, that I had to ask in the comments why it was even up here. No answer as of the writing of this article, but I will update in the comments section, should I receive a response. I would be surprised if the game is even still up when this article gets released. But it probably will, because Greenlight is trash and I bet nobody at Steam even cares about it at this point. I bet I am like half of the traffic Greenlight gets when I write these articles every week… for now.

Best Comment: Late Niles (that is me!): “Serious question: why is this even on Greenlight? This is a mod of Portal 2, not a new game. This should be on some mod database, not on a platform to help indie developers release new games.”

Just in time for HALLOWEEEEEEEENNNNNN!

Wow, a creepy find the hidden object game! Spooky!

The Fan

It amazes me that after the notorious failures of games like Phantasmagoria, Night Trap, and Mad Dog McCree people still try to make FMV games. Some of you may be thinking, “Wait, Phantasmagoria was not horrible!” Yeah, compared to every other FMV game, Phantasmagoria was pretty decent. But, like the saying goes: “A gilded turd is still just a turd.” This game does not fix the problem. It uses real world pictures and cut scenes to depict the world of a serial killer. Also, the guy who made it is French, so there will be a lot of heavy French accents trying to speak English, which nobody can ever understand. The developer also tells us that it has taken him over four years to make this. Four. Years. Honestly, you would think at one point he would realize this is a waste of time and go do something more productive. Actually, that should not surprise me. The developer has the ego to compare his trash to the Telltale games. Kind of like comparing Sharknado to Casablanca. Probably not a good idea, as anyone looking at this will think, “Well, why would I play this when I can just play one of those actually GOOD games?”

Best Comment: TysonL: “i voted yes but next time get a busty woman :D”

LOL! I can't stop laughing!!!!

So random and funny!

When Goats Join Cults

I do not get it. What is this goat obsession all indie developers have. First we had Goat Simulator, which was fun for like two hours, and now we have this. Which will not be fun at all. Honestly, I do not even know what this game is supposed to be about. Apparently you play as a goat that just joined come cult that eats goats? And you explore a mansion with “hilarious” (i.e. dull and boring) characters. Why? What is the point of this game? Why goats? Is it just because it is so random to make a game about goats? Hahaha, oh I get it now! Random = funny! You know who else was “funny” and “random?” Katy “t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m.” Here’s a hilarious, random quote from her: “hi every1 im new!!!!!!! holds up spork my name is katy but u can call me t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m!!!!!!!! lol…as u can see im very random!!!! thats why i came here, 2 meet random ppl like me _… im 13 years old (im mature 4 my age tho!!) i like 2 watch invader zim w/ my girlfreind (im bi if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favorite tv show!!! bcuz its SOOOO random!!!! shes random 2 of course but i want 2 meet more random ppl =) like they say the more the merrier!!!! lol…neways i hope 2 make alot of freinds here so give me lots of commentses!!!! DOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <--- me bein random again _^ hehe…toodles!!!!!" Hahahaha if that is a good indication of the humor in this game, then we are all in for a treat! Best Comment: Solarstrike: “No”

5 comments on “Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 94”

  1. “Wait, a second, Nate!” you may be saying right now, “This game actually looks good.” And to that I say: yes, you are right. This game actually does look good.

    I genuinely thought this when I opened this post and saw the picture, before I read the words. Why are mods on Greenlight? Was there any response? I imagine not.

    It amazes me that after the notorious failures of games like Phantasmagoria, Night Trap, and Mad Dog McCree people still try to make FMV games.

    Was Phantasmagoria a failure? I seem to recall that it did very well, received excellent reviews, and even got a sequel. I enjoyed playing it, from what I recall. I don’t remember anything about the sequel, however, despite having owned it.

    “hi every1 im new!!!!!!! holds up spork my name is katy but u can call me t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m!!!!!!!! lol…as u can see im very random!!!!

    I suppose if someone is very stupid they might be able to tell the difference between absurdism, surrealism, and just saying random things like a 12-year-old with Tourette’s. But that would mean that one is very stupid.

  2. im bi if u dont like it deal w/it

    Even though it was a joke, it is still very accurate. And it is tedious to hear this attention-seeking nonsense from immature little creeps. I guess it’s hard to know you’re a stupid little kid when you’re a stupid little kid with no perspective. No mature person needs to hear about your pretend “bi” escapades besides your therapist.

    Also, I agree with Bup: mods are not games in any way, shape, or form. Post that garbage on some fan site.

  3. So, the Destroyed Aperture people responded to me almost immediately after I commented on their page. One of them said that mods ARE allowed on Greenlight, which turns out to be true as long as the game you’re modding is on Steam. Also, one of them said “why complain about something that’s free,” which doesn’t make sense at all. Getting punched in the face is free, but I’m allowed to complain about that.

  4. I am a developer of Destroyed Aperture (level design), if any body would have taken the time to actually read the description on the Greenlight page you would have known why it’s on Greenlight!

    Quote from the page:

    – Complete new campaign and story.
    – 20+ maps filled with puzzles and exploration with increasing difficulty.
    – Logic based puzzles.
    – New testing elements like “the Portable Button” and a secret bonus testing element.
    – Custom soundtrack and voicelines.
    – Custom player and portal gun model.
    – Steam Achievements.

    That last point…. Steam achievements are not possible without the mod being actually on Steam.
    An other thing: the mod WILL release on steam for free, we are not one of those people who want more than they can do, we actually are very serious about it.
    Final thought: Thank you for the compliment about how the mod looks :D

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