Editorial: A Dark Roast of Gaming

In the twenty-first century, most things have been made thanks to the power of the beverage known as coffee. Coffee funds the mental stimulation of the world, tea can also do this but the mainstream media does not talk about tea that much thanks to their liberal agenda (tea is known as a conservative drink due to the leaves involved). So, because coffee can be used to make video games, through amazing and infallible logic, this editorial will be focused on video games that are focused around coffee or show it off in a dazzling light.

Coffee, water, maybe even...tea?
Who knows what that liquid is?

To start it off, there is the game Caffeine available on Steam, where the main plot of the game is centered around the fact that the planet Earth is addicted to coffee. So, the natural course of action is to of course go to space looking for a space-version of caffeine, because that is just what it takes sometimes. The game is a first-person adventure where the protagonist wakes up on one of these space stations primarily focused on finding space-caffeine, and has no idea what is going on. A totally original, never before seen opening to a video game. The protagonist wakes up alone, with no memory of what is going on. That is new for the psychological horror genre, which this game happens to be, I guess. It really is not, honestly how many more horror games must gamers be subjected to where the entire premise is someone waking up in a dark area with no recollection of their past only for it to unfold through cryptic clues in the game? How many more of these games must be made until the deity PewDiePie is finally at rest?

Trees, beans, they are all one in the same.
Look! Pastel coloring, the children are intrigued.

The second game for this editorial is also named Caffeine, so that means that Adeki has to type one less tag for this post, nice. The game is currently in development for the PC and centers around a protagonist named Steeper who is on a quest to make the perfect cup of Joe. Again, the logic totally makes sense as Steeper travels to some kind of island in the sky to find these special ingredients so he can put them in his coffee backpack. At least the game looks pretty, so it has something going for it. Steeper does not look that great though, because he is a barista, they are not a great looking people. The game has a blog on Tumblr where they give small updates and reblog fan art, but until then it is just kinda hanging around right now. Maybe there will be some kind of crowd-funding campaign like there always is, maybe not. But people that crowdfund games completely based on their appearances and not on the credentials of those developing the game will surely be excited for this game. Also, maybe baristas will really like this game. Gaming has always given the barista demographic the cold shoulder, maybe that could change with this game.

There might be coffee.
Somewhere over the rainbow…

Last, but certainly not least, is the game Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. Now while the details are unbeknownst to the author of this editorial as he is a child, others have made it clear that there is a scene in the game devoted to coffee. The scene itself has not been viewed but friends of the author have assured him that the scene is very tasty (or was it tasteful?), dark, bold, and hot. Apparently it also a challenge to access this scene as it is not available to every player upon launching the game and instead gamers have to really work for it. It also started some sort of controversy that gave the game a higher ESRB rating until they reprinted it without the scene. Such a shame that the ESRB believes that because caffeinated beverages are bad for kids they will go as far as to ban coffee scenes in most video games. Gamers can only pray that games are not punished for including these “adult” beverages that reside at the “devil’s” temperature. However, all of the previously mentioned elements contribute to a good cup of coffee, so it only made sense to include Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas as it seems to have mastered the art of coffee representation in gaming. Kudos to the team at Rockstar Games for doing a bang-up job with their game.

Coffee is cool, video games are cool, it just makes sense to put the two together. This editorial was all about how both items can be blended together, just like how a nonsensical topic and an editorial can be blended together as well. That truly is the beauty of the internet, nonsense and work can be mixed together like soy milk in a latte, to create the perfect beverage/writing. Do you like coffee? Do you dislike the taste of coffee and instead drink tea (but not just putting a bag in water, get some tea leaves for God’s sake)? Make sure to leave a comment below and let us know what you think!

13 comments

  1. @Lusipurr COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!!

    @Adeki Great post. I love coffee. I drink it every day, all day. I think it really helps. I barely sleep and I’m still full of energy. Plus I feel really sick a lot. All the time, really. I need some more coffee, I’m starting to shake.

  2. @Lusipurr A lil’ thing called ART.

    @Sebastian You might be addicted to coffee, there are programs, people who can help you!

  3. @Adeki I’m not addicted. I can stop whenever I want to. I just…don’t want to right now. Also, if I go without coffee for a long time (an hour or so) I start to feel really, really bad. So I can’t stop – until I figure out why I can’t stop. But I don’t have a problem.

  4. God, having the two of you here is even worse than only having one of you here.

  5. @Lusipurr We did it!

    @Dancing Matt OH MY GOD I’M SORRY I PROMISE NEXT WEEK. I forgot. .-.

  6. It’s okay… I was also imagining what future games in the mobile space bugs could play a role in, like World Of Bugs, Clash Of Bugs, Bugville, Bugs vs. Slugs, that sort of thing. Bugs not only have a rich and varied history in video games, not to mention the sport of cricket, but a vast untapped future as well.

  7. Fitting that I read this over my morning cup.

    Also, loved the whole tea = conservative because leaves bit. XD

  8. @Wolfe: Thank you! At the end of the day, liberals drink coffee, conservatives drink tea, and we all love the taste of a Coke (I don’t actually like Coke, but there’s that commercial about wanting to buy the world a Coke and I’m getting paid to comment about it so…).

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