Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 95

Day 636: My explosive device is almost ready. I have full control over the drone, but the explosives are too heavy and keep weighing the drone down. The real problem is that the drone is hard to control with all this weight, I know someone will notice if there is one drone not in formation with the others. I need to slim down the explosives, but I need as much power as possible to take down Lusipurr’s castle. Wait… I just heard something move. Someone is here…. WHO’S THERE? Show yourself, or I swear I’ll blow us all to hell! No… no it can’t be. Ethos? Is that you?! As always these “reviews” are written with 100% bias and without actually playing the “games” in question.

You know, if I could see what was actually going on.

Wow, so much fun!

ForeveRacers

“ForeveRacers is an online multiplayer racing game. There’s no waiting for races to begin, players can join and play anytime. Race through the countryside day and night while trying to set the best lap time. Cut corners, find hidden shortcuts and avoid other players.” So… if people are just driving around trying to beat their best lap time, what is the point of having this online? Just set up some sort of leader board and have players upload their best times. Having it online for races where people do not even start the race at the same time just seems like it is over the top. The game’s description also makes it a point that the game does not have very good graphics, but I am not sure why this is a selling point. I understand that graphics are not everything when it comes to making a good game, but usually the art style is at least visually pleasing to look at. Not like some trashy, polygons a 14 year old crapped out in his or her “Game Design 101” high school class. Also, there are like a million racing games out there already, so why not do something new? This is not new. Do something to wow us! Do something new, something innovative. Do not just release the same crap every other game “designer” has released a million times before. Again, this is the problem with Steam Greenlight: very rarely is there something innovative and fun. It is all just rehashes of every other “popular” indie game in the world. Shut Steam Greenlight down now.

Best Comment: Soviet People [Levi]212: “Bad Game”

Games like this are why I write these articles.

Hahahaha, wow. Just wow.

Go Over The Dugeon

I-I think we have just found the perfect example of a Steam Greenlight game. Honestly, I have no clue what this game is even supposed to be about. Check out the game’s description: “Story: What is Dugeon?” Whoops, I think you mean dungeon. “Why Go over the Dun]geon?” You almost spelled it right this time! “What will you do in the Dugeon?” Oh, wait. You do not mean “dungeon” do you? What in the heck is “dugeon?” Whatever. “What will be happened?” Ugh, I do not even have a comment for this. “You want to find it out?” Not really. “Go throw the game you’ll get the answer.” I wish I could throw it in the trash. “Now lets go over the Dugeon.” Finally! The end of the game! “Features: Fighting,shooting. Avoid trap Rescues ???” A-are you asking us if there are rescues or telling us? You should kind of know this stuff, considering you made the game. “Use your brand to get over” My brand? What brand? When did brands get thrown into this?! “There are a lot of interesting items for your Adventure find out some thing? story You have to go to the Dugeon to find out something? Challenging combats from each enemy, especially bosses.” Ugh. Why? Why submit something with this much broken English? Do not just use Babel Fish to translate it verbatim, hire someone to edit it. If you can afford to submit your game to Greenlight for $100, you can hire someone for like $20 to make your description readable. Again, this is why I write these articles.

Best Comment: Taysty: “If you aren’t trolling than you are one of the worst developers I have ever seen submit to Greenlight.”

Yes, I love painting all my walls different colors. This is totally normal.

What a beautiful room!

Вор По Стелсу

No, I did not make a mistake when I typed that title. It is all in Russian. At least, I am assuming it is Russian. I do not speak the language, but it looks Russian to me. Not only that, but the game’s description is also only in Russian… and there is no video trailer. It appears that there once was one, but it has been taken down. Which is not a good sign, since the game was only uploaded to Greenlight three days before this article will be posted. I would be surprised if the above link to the game even works by the time this goes up. I could sit here and make fun of the fact that there is no video, the crappy graphics, and even the non-English description for hours, but that is not all there is to this game. The profile image is some garbage character in a “T-Pose” looking at a giant bar of gold. What does this even mean? Is this game about a treasure hunt? If so, why are all the screenshots of just some dumb house? I also love the fact that there is an Xbox next to the TV in one screenshot. Not an Xbox One, mind you. Which would make sense since it is the newest of the Xbox consoles (and the best console there is right now), but this is an Xbox 360. Again, not the newest slim version of the console, but one of the original white models that had like a 50% defect rate. Great job Russia! If any of our fans speaks Russian, or whatever language this is in, could this get translated? I would love to know what this is actually about.. if anything.

Best Comment: Squadalaxd®: “fucking garbage”

6 comments on “Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 95”

  1. @Lusi: I’ve never thrown a game, but I have thrown a few controllers in rage.

  2. It took them seven hours to assemble all of those pillows in a pyramid. Good work always goes unappreciated.

  3. @Bup: I’ve never thrown a controller. I know people do this, but controllers are expensive, and it is not the controller’s fault. Usually. My frustration with one of my recent, broken Wii classic controllers has made me pretty angry a few times.

  4. @Lusi: The Hades level in the first God of War game made me break one controller. I think I’ve broken one other one, but I can’t remember what game it was. Hasn’t happened in like seven years though, so I think I’m good now. All my internal rage has been expelled.

  5. I think we need a series just on Bup’s assault on Castle Lusipurr. Riveting! I must take issue with the assertion that the XBox One is the “best” console right now. I think that you must have forgotten to add, “compared to the Wii U”, right?

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