TSM Episode 399: Nintendo’s Witch

BOO! Uwee hee hee! Coming soon, the Sony CrONE and the Xbox H.A.G.
Nintendo’s Witch (sans broomstick)

Download: Released 2016.10.24

Lusipurr, Sebastian, and SiliconNooB delve into the biggest stories in a week packed with big stories: in a Halloween manoeuvre, Nintendo’s Witch takes flight; Red Dead Redemption 2 promises new and hilarious bugs; and The Last Guardian is finally done.


  1. We felt such joy when our own was so eager to shape our world.
    Congrats to the good lady & yourself sir.

    All our best to the family.

  2. Calling it now (well, actually I called it years ago in a column, but I can’t be arsed to look it up). The Last Guardian is going to be a shitshow of a game, and the penultimate scene, when either of our endearing, mostly-silent protagonists shuffles off this mortal coil in a scene designed by our best Emotionologists to jerk maximum tears, I’m going to laugh at all the people who waited nearly a decade and spent good money to play a game where the conclusion was so foregone, so cliche, so ham-fisted that it amounted to paying cash for someone to punch you sharply in the emotion-glands.

  3. @SKS: Thank you!

    @Lane: You are wholly correct–but it is worse even than you relate, for the game has now been in development for so long, and has been the subject of such a complex and diffuse development process, and has had such a changing development team, that at this point it cannot be aught but a disaster. Even the best game developers falter without unity of vision. The Last Guardian is not being created by the best. It looks like last generation, and will play like it, too–and the plot is as you say. Ergo: avoid.


  4. I had a similar experience running through BF1’s campaign. It’s like a boardroom sat down with Hemingway and Remarque and said, “OK gentlemen. We must distill these wartime classics down to their basic and base essence, bereft of the prosity and insight that comes from truly unique minds, and with our giant, porky, hammy fists, jam as much cliched anti-war gobbledygook into this game as we can.”

    And the eager junior execs, their mouths distended and chapped with their profane fellatian ablutions to their malign masters, mumbled past cracked lips, “who should we press into writing such pablum, sires?”

    The senior executives, now grown bloated and fat upon their own hubristic excess, looked over what they had wrought and said, “you guys know any cast-off English majors that tried for a job at BioWare only to be rebuffed as unable to tell a consistent story in anything more than a pastichy vignette?”

    The junior executives wailed in abject joy; for they did know where such mavens may be found, and lo, did these dark smiths retire to hidden forges deep within the bowls of DICE to churn out potboilers of games about brotherhood and duty and comrades in arms and the pointlessness of the Great War.

    In retrospect, what I should have done is crack open a case of gin, find enough tonic water to slake a Rooseveltian thirst, and put “No Man’s Land” on repeat for a couple of hours. The end result would have been total insensibility, but at least the gin might have some artistry behind it instead of the cold industrial iron of the factory.

  5. Also, the fact that I’ve yet to run across a character in this game named “Young Willie McBride” is an insult to generations of 2:00 a.m. drunken Scots-Irish barflies. These are my people and it is time the cultural contributions of the sodding Gaels were recognized. Gaelic erasure must end.

  6. @Lane: You should really come back to staff and write all of this stuff into a single column each week.

  7. I would, except I can’t make promises I can’t keep. Some weeks I have the time, some I don’t. About 3 years ago I quit working for others and moved back home and opened up my own law firm. And there are just some times that I would leave you hanging because I’m working until 10:00 p.m. with a client, and that’s not fair to you or the other columnists.

    But I’ll do a podcast sometime! I’ve even got a fancy Blue Yeti microphone like a big boy.

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