Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 98

Day 657: “Lusipurr is Greenlight.” Those are the final words Ethos said to me before he…. succumbed to his injuries. Was he looking for me the whole time? But it all makes sense. Lusipurr trapped me in that dungeon, forcing me to “review” Steam Greenlight games. Only so he could take the worst of the worst and release them to the public. He wants to break the spirits of as many people as possible, only so he can then take over the world. This just means I have to stop him not only for my own safety, but for the safety of the world. I am the only one who can do it. I just need to put the finishing touches on my new drone and the explosives. I need to make the explosion bigger. The biggest the world has ever seen! As always these “reviews” are written with 100% bias and without actually playing the “games” in question.

Manga.

Anime.

When They Won’t Stay Dead

Veteran readers of my Steam Greenlight Round-Up articles will know that there are a few Greenlight tropes I absolutely hate: anime, visual novel “games,” Unity Engine, and RPG Maker. I am sure there are a few more, I just cannot remember them right now. This game hits on three of those four tropes: anime, visual novel, Unity Engine. It is like a trifecta of crap. I guess this is some sort of zombie, highschool visual novel made by someone from America? It is about some kid whose parents die and then everything around him starts to become something out of a horror movie. Spoiler alert: I bet at the end we will find out this is all happening in the kid’s head and either he is the one who actually died or he became mentally unstable after the death of his parents. Who cares? Just watch a good zombie movie, like Dawn of the Dead or something instead of playing this garbage.

Best Comment: None. For whatever reason all the comments on this crap are positive. A couple people even talk about how “original” this looks. Yes, we have never seen a zombie manga or a zombie game before. Very original. Steam Greenlight is a joke.

- Kurt Cobain

This looks like something from r/im14andthisisdeep.

The Lighthouse

Yep, here it is. Another Myst rip off. Not only that, but it stole its title from an older point-and-click Myst style game called Lighthouse: The Dark Being. I remember playing that game when I was a kid, and it terrified me. It was just so weird and surreal, plus our family computer at the time was not the best so the game was laggy and sputtered at points. It was still fun, but this game will not be. It will be trash that nobody will play in the first place. I also love the fact that the development “team” is just a husband and wife, who for whatever reason decided to put their real picture in the game’s description. Not only that, but their favorite games are Gears of War, Hearthstone, and Dark Souls III. You guys do know that games existed more than 12 years ago, right? Do not get me wrong, those are decent games, but I would never put them in the category of “favorite” games. Games like that remind me of the old Superman movies: they are not cinema classics or anything, but they are still fun to watch.

Best Comment: Toastie: “graphics nice, but that type of horror has been done 100000 times. turn around oh someone there then he runs at you. pretty much the same thing that happens in the horror games submitted everyday.”

You might want to get checked for GHB.

Uhhhh…..

Bunnyrama

“Grandpa is in trouble. He must escape from the magical forest and find his way home. The only way out is to use the portal gates, but they are not easy to reach. Will you help the old man to get out of the forest?” So, is this MY grandpa who needs help? Is this just some old dude who everyone just calls “Grandpa,” because he is so old? I think this needs clarification. I mean, if he is my blood relative, yeah I will help him out. But if not, sorry bro! I honestly cannot tell if the graphics are supposed to be stupid looking, or that is just an oversight on the developers part. Seriously, the art here looks worse that original Simpsons episodes. Also, why does “Grandpa” look like he just left his job prospecting in the 1800s? Garbage, just garbage…

Best Comment: Solarstrike: “No.”

2 comments on “Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 98”

  1. “Lusipurr is Greenlight.” Those are the final words Ethos said to me before he…. succumbed to his injuries.

    You are drunk. Very drunk. Stop being drunk.

    “Why Won’t They Stay Dead” is not only the title of a Greenlight game, it is also how I feel about Greenlight games.

    Bunnyrama proves that you can make a video game even if you are not even functional as a human being.

  2. How many innocent people will die before Lusipurr is stopped? END THIS GREENLIGHT MADNESS!!!

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