Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 99

Day 664: I buried Ethos in an unmarked grave last night. He was starting to stink up the warehouse I’m hiding in. Plus, I think he shat himself when he died. But the explosives to destroy Castle Lusipurr once and for all are almost ready. Just a few more days and I can put my plan into action. The explosives will be smuggled in via a hacked drone I will be controlling myself. Then, I will sneak in using a guard’s uniform I stole when one of their laundry trucks conveniently broke down near my warehouse. It was almost too easy. Once I am in I will attach the explosives to the main computer CPU and… my mission will be complete. Just a few more days… As always these “reviews” are written with 100% bias and without actually playing the “games” in question.

Yes, I also love playing games that look worse than original PS1 grapics.

It’s always good to use a screenshot where you can’t tell what’s going on.

Furry Guns

There is SO much I want to mock this game for, but so little time. Okay, I will do the short and sweet version. Graphics are like original PlayStation 1 games… but worse. Like beta, or even alpha, level graphics. It is a multiplayer game, but only for LOCAL multiplayer. Meaning there is not even any online play. In 2016. The only single player “game” are a bunch of training levels. Again, PS1 era crap. I also like how the game’s description advertises “over 10 different funny-crazy-sweet avatars,” but the screenshots only show off one variant of a dog that looks like it was rejected from a Wallace and Gromit cartoon. But the final, real reason I picked this game to make fun of is because it uses “furry” in the title. Why, oh why, would you ever want to connect ANYTHING with the furry subculture? Do not get me wrong, I do not “hate” furries. I just do not “get” the subculture. Even though my early internet days were spent browsing the Something Awful forums, a website notorious for creating basically every meme ever and hating furries with a passion. Heck, one time I even pranked the owner and creator of Something Awful into thinking I was a furry who was attacked at a furry convention by something yelling “SOMETHING AWFUL DOT COM.” I remember that became somewhat of a catchphrase on the forums for people who thought the attack was real. Anyway, getting back to the matter at hand, I do not get furries, this game is garbage, and I wish I had never seen it.

Best Comment: Hestmord: “Delete this”

HBO? I do not think so! Hahahahahahahaha!

Yes, the evil overlord will torture you will high cable bills!

Corrupt

Hey, remember that game Sim City? No, no forget about the latest one that took a year to patch before it was even playable. I am talking old-school, SNES or PC Sim City 2000. That was a good game, right? Yeah, it was. Now imagine that game, but with graphics that look like they were stolen from an emoji app and boring game play. That is what you will get in Corrupt! Apparently you just play as a corrupt politician in this game, trying to screw over their citizen while making as much money as possible. Sounds a bit cool, right? Wrong! All the cool, evil things you do are just a bunch of boring menu options. Hmmm, do I click the option to steal a little amount of money from this children’s hospital, or click the option to steal a ton of money? Wow, what incredible things one can do in 2016! Like, why would one even want to play a game like this in the current political climate. For those reading this in the future (who am I kidding, nobody actually reads this crap), this article was published on the day of the 2016 American Presidential Election, in which, most likely, either Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump will be elected President of the United States of America. An election in which both nominees are pretty much equally hated by their opposing sides. One could argue that you are playing as a caricature of these two people in this game. So again, I ask, why would anyone want to play this game?

Best Comment: Not James: “I don’t know if this game is good or broken”

Yep, famous movie scenes.

Yep, I remember those famous scenes where the FBI killed both the Saw guy and Jason from Friday the 13th.

FBI Mania

Hooo boy. I do not even know where to start with this one. Just check out the great use of English in the game’s description: “What do you know about paranoia? Tony heard about it only journal articles, while not personally confronted with it!” Yes. This makes sense. Okay, who is “Tony,” does he now have paranoia, and what does this have to do with the FBI? “The only solution was for him to take his weapons remaining from past work, and to combat harassment.” Uhhh is this secretly an office shooter simulator? I am NOT down with that. “You have to go through all the stages of personal suppression Tony to reveal the truth.” Oh. Okay. I understand completely. “The game features 8 locations, 3 weapons and hardcore!” Whoa! A whopping THREE weapons?! AND “hardcore?” That is amazing! Pssst, what the heck does this sentence even mean? “Statistics will push you to achieve the best results.” Yes. Statistics are important and fun. I think the person who made this game is clinically insane.

Best Comment: Nixx: “Why would anyone think that this is worth money? Games like this exist in the millions all over the internet for free with more comlex systems and better graphics. NOPE”

3 comments on “Editorial: Greenlight Round-Up, Vol. 99”

  1. You can’t defeat me! I’ve got a better ship!

    But the explosives to destroy Castle Lusipurr once and for all are almost ready
    Remember, remember,
    The fiftheighth of November
    Gunpowder, treason, and plot.
    I see no reason
    Why gunpowder treason
    Ever should be forgot.

  2. Furries make movies, they make Zootopia.

    Furries make games, they make Furry Guns.

    Keep furries in the cinema industry where they belong.

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