Editorial: Pimp My Wii Starring Xzibit

The Wii is the third best-selling home video game console of all time, only to be outdone by the first and second generation Playstation consoles. Selling over 100 million units, and inciting fights over the holiday season due to limited availability, it is no doubt that the Wii was a huge success at the time. Nowadays though, Wii’s are mostly sitting around collecting dust either due to the fact that the Wii U is backwards compatible, the owner got bored of it, or it broke at some point and no one cared enough to fix or replace it. So, this editorial will focus on three ways one can rehabilitate their Nintendo Wii to make it a productive member of society. No longer will it sit around and collect free meals in gamer’s home, put the Wii to work today and let this editorial produce inspiration!

That was a Wii joke, because of the two i's, it was very humorous please laugh.

Think of all the posibilitiis.

First off, one of the most popular ways to repurpose a Wii is to emulate games on it by installing Homebrew software. Easier then it has ever been, all it takes is an internet connection, an SD card, and a smile (the smile is not actually required but it would be a nice touch). Think of all the retro games that are suddenly open to the player’s disposal, much better than buying a silly NES Classic Edition which does not even have a wireless controller. Better yet, the Wii is never not in stock as they are littering America, people will just give the things away on Craigslist! Just get a classic controller, download some ROMS, and suddenly the Wii once again has hundreds of hours on entertainment right at the push of a button. It is also worth mentioning that not only can someone emulate games on a Wii using Homebrew software, they can also turn their Wii into a media center or just use it as a DVD player if they do not own one already. But, honestly, in an age of 4K Blu-Rays, the fact that one can play DVDs on older Wiis is only as exciting as it sounds; which is not very.

No, but really be nice to your grandparents because they are probably nice and just want to be appreciated, especially during the holiday season.

She is a professional at Wii Bowling.

Second, use the Nintendo Wii to strengthen the elderly so they can rise from their retirement homes stronger and more agile than before. In all seriousness though, there have been numerous studies that do tie together better balance for old people with using the Wii. To think of all the people that laughed at Wii Fit only for it to later be extremely helpful for those with less mobility than others, shame! Also, it could be something else for people in retirement homes to do as there are approximately 2,000,000 (scientific estimate) games for the Wii, and it has Netflix which is always appreciated. How could this affect the average gamer? Christmas is coming up soon and what better way is there to show love for grandparents than by giving them a ten-year old console and politely implying that their lives are boring and their balance is terrible just because they are old. Or, the Wiis could also be used in hospitals to encourage that patients move their arms and are also entertained, but that is usually for children as most adults have already lost that loving feeling in their heart.

Finally, graffiti has been gentrified as it should be (is that what gentrified means?).

Someone please translate this, Siri refuses to help.

Last but certainly not least, one of the best uses for your Wii is to repurpose it into becoming a slightly successful Kickstarter that encourages DIY graffiti but for people with little to no artistic talent. Believe it or not, that actually is a Kickstarter campaign going on right now known as SprayPainter which is a piece of technology that uses cameras, technology, and magic, to merely be held in front of the spot the art is supposed to be and knows where to and not to spray. Funny enough, the project was started when the creator’s daughter wanted a unicorn on her wall so he decided the sane approach involved strapping a Wiimote onto a car engine valve. For more information as to the if, ands, and hows, one could of course check out their campaign but make no mistake that this is in no way an advertisement for the product. If anything it is the opposite, because it is a Kickstarter campaign, so instead Lusipurr.com editorialist Adeki would like to encourage the reader to actually stay away because almost all Kickstarters end in sadness. Remember Mighty No. 9? That was a Kickstarter campaign, same with Double Fine Adventure and the Ouya. Yikes!

So there you have it, three ways to repurpose your old Nintendo Wii, starting with reasonable and ending with definitely unreasonable. But hey, maybe you can find a way to create a new product with your Wii and sell it to the unknowing or the aspiring artist! What is your Wii doing right now? Is it well fed and happy or is it more dust than console? Did you at least have fun with your Wii when you owned it? Make sure to leave a comment below and let us know what you think!

4 comments on “Editorial: Pimp My Wii Starring Xzibit”

  1. Easier then it has ever been, all it takes is an internet connection, an SD card, and a smile (the smile is not actually required but it would be a nice touch)
    Actually, the smile is required. Make sure you include the smile or it will not work.

    Last but certainly not least, one of the best uses for your Wii is to repurpose it into becoming a slightly successful Kickstarter that encourages DIY graffiti
    ?????????

    I use my Wii a lot, as you well know. It’s cheap and cheerful and it does just about everything. Not bad for the waggle-mote console that couldn’t!

  2. @Lusipurr: I smile quite frequently due to food being near me so I had no IDEA it was necessary, thanks for letting our readers know. As for the Kickstarter, I saw that and decided I really wanted to make a sentence out of it. Like I saw the campaign and said, “how does someone lead up to this?” So I took it upon myself to do so.

    I haven’t used my Wii in a while but I still play the games on my Wii U, at least the Wii had Gamecube controller support for most games!

  3. @Adeki: I imagine that smling is a sort of Pavlovian response to being near food, the way that a dog wags its tail when it sees its master coming home, knowing that a walk is imminent.

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