News: Sexy Infant Underpants

Making sexy lingerie for children is a great way to celebrate Kirby's legacy!
Nintendo: encouraging tween girls to become thots.

Nintendo Are Turning Tots into Thots!

Nintendo are very happy to censor our games. Apparently seeing wholly fictitious Japanese idol girls is just too much for wide-eyed Westerners. It would be one thing if these titles were simply being altered in cases where they were going after a younger audience, yet more often than not these changes were being inflicted on M-rated titles! Nintendo does not trust Western adults to be able to handle slightly alluring depictions of fictional characters! Both Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE and Fatal Frame: Maiden of Black Water were savagely edited for the most arbitrary of reasons, which hurt them more than most since their events were focused to an extent on idol culture.

All of this would be fine if Nintendo were actually consistent about what they stand for, yet one look at Nintendo of Japan’s celebration plans for Kirby‘s 25th anniversary is enough to reveal that this clearly is not the case. Nintendo of Japan could think of no sight more fitting to celebrate Kirby‘s birthday than a flat-chested tween girl wearing a Kirby themed whore’s uniform. How can Nintendo act all precious about fictional characters wearing bikinis when the Japanese arm of the company has just taken one of their most innocent brands and turned it out into a monument of degeneracy? Nintendo’s mixed messaging is really fucked.

Andrzej Sapkowski looks like the the diabetus guy!

Witcher Author Salty at Popularity of Games

Witcher author, Andrzej Sapkowski, has been giving a number of interviews of late on account of the release of one of his books into English speaking markets. It turns out that, much like Hayao Miyazaki, despite his ties to the gaming industry he actually has no love for the medium. It turns out that Sapkowski once played a video game which involved shooting Martians, and now that is what he thinks every video game is.

OK let’s play cards or let’s drink vodka, but killing Martians is stupid. And my standpoint stands: it is stupid.

According to Sapkowski he is primarily responsible for the success of The Witcher video games, while the games themselves have done very little to raise public awareness of his books.

The belief, widely spread by CDPR, that the games made me popular outside of Poland is completely false. I made the games popular. All of my translations in the west were published before the first game.

If anything, there are more people who have played the games because they read the books. That’s my count, but I’m not sure. I never did any studies.

What Sapkowski says here is untrue, as the first game was released a year before his first English translation was released into the West. It is not unreasonable to suppose that it was the existence of the game which facilitated the English release of the books to begin with. To Sapkowski this is not the case though, as to him the existence of the games represents only a liability.

I wrote the first Witcher story 30 years ago. When I come to my author meetings, there’s no one in the audience close to my age. I am 69. There’s no one. Kids everywhere. How are some of them supposed to know that my books are not game related?

That I’m not writing books based on games? They may not know that, and CDPR bravely conceals the game’s origins. It’s written in fine print, you need a microscope to see it, that the game is ‘based on’ [my books].

Check out the mental gymnastics here: all of The Witcher‘s Western popularity is due to the existence of the books, yet the book’s author is worried that people will not realise that he is the creator of the franchise on account of the fact that the games are so big! This does not compute! Here is a protip for the author: if the fanbase is primarily interested in reading your books, then there is no possibility of fans confusing your books as derivative works based on the game!

Here is what is really going on though:

Well they brought a big bag of money! What I expect from an adaptation: a big bag of money. That is all.

I was stupid enough to sell them rights to the whole bunch. They offered me a percentage of their profits. I said, ‘No, there will be no profit at all – give me all my money right now! The whole amount.’ It was stupid. I was stupid enough to leave everything in their hands because I didn’t believe in their success. But who could foresee their success? I couldn’t.

What this looks like is a whole bunch of sour grapes over the fact that Andrzej Sapkowski failed to properly capitalise on the success of the games. If he had been willing to throw caution to the wind and bet on the game’s success rather than taking a safe paycheck, then he would today be sleeping on great mounds of cash. Instead he had no faith in the enterprise and took his money upfront, foregoing his share of the game’s success – though of course he has benefited greatly through book sales. CD Projekt Red are responsible for The Witcher‘s success outside of Poland, as what might have been low quality licensed games were instead high quality products made with a lot of passion. Now that CD Projekt Red has moved on from The Witcher one gets the feeling that Andrzej Sapkowski will eventually come to regret that there are no longer game releases to drive book sales.

Certain people do not belong on the internet.
RIME gameplay doesn’t look terribly compelling, but some of the vistas are quite lovely.

Snowflake Devs Need to Stop Reading the Internet

For whatever the reason the development community seems to be rife with thin skinned crybabies who do not understand the internet. Perhaps these people grow up secluded in online ‘safe spaces’, and are then subjected to a stark culture shock when they are forced to engage with the broader online community. Whatever the case, we have seen a lot of it; with its most explosive manifestation being Phil Fish’s dramatic mental breakdown!

This week RIME‘s creative director, Raul Rubio, revealed that reading NeoGaf was enough to render him an emotional wreck who cried for two days. Apparently it was so upsetting that if he had read it at an earlier juncture then the game never would have been completed.Pathetic.

Even so, If I had read Neogaf at the time the game probably wouldn’t exist. I spent some time six months ago going through two-and-a-half years of comments on Neogaf, and I was literally crying for two days. Partly because I just don’t understand the cruelty, but more importantly because I could see those years over those two days, and I began to understand that maybe people can love something so much that they can hate it.

Here is what happened: NeoGaf are huge Sony fanboys, and when RIME broke platform exclusivity with the PS4 it caused a number of them to start hating the game – because that is the kind of borderline retarded herd-mentality hugbox that NeoGaf is. To a normal person with a normal level of mental resilience this would have been slightly irksome, but ultimately would have resulted in one redoubling efforts to make the Neocucks eat their words.

To a coddled baby who was raised in a safe space however, this kind of thing is debilitating. Some people need to stay away from the internet, and Raul Rubio is one of these people. If such people insist on using the internet then the answer is more rather than less bantz, as that is the only thing that will enable these people to build a modicum of mental shielding.

It feels very odd to relay a story involving NeoGaf along with a party that is not NeoGaf where the snowflake happens to be the other guy!


  1. @SN: when RIME broke platform exclusivity with the PS4 it caused a number of them to start hating the game

    More or less. Everything I’ve seen from the game looks very good. I’m reasonably interested in it and may pick it up at launch.

  2. RIME looks attractive, but the only gameplay I’ve seen makes it look like The Last Guardian, in that gameplay just looks like climbing shit.

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