Nintendo’s Communication Breakdown
What the everloving fuck, fam? Before launch Nintendo made it clear that they had declined to allow normal headset functionality, as bulky headsets were far too inelegant a solution! Instead Nintendo’s paid online service would provide access to a phone app which would facilitate voice chat:
“Instead of having some sort of bulky gamer headset, you’ll be able to do it right off your smartphone, put in your earbuds that you use for your standard mobile device. We think that’s a pretty sweet solution. That’s part of the overall opportunity that we see in a subscription service.”
Pretty sweet, right? What Reggie neglects to mention in the above interview is the fact that the Nintendo voice app is actually incapable of passing through the game’s audio along with the voice chat. There is a solution to this however! This week Hori unveiled their official Splatoon peripheral to enable simultaneous voice and game audio.
What this cobbled together Rube Goldberg solution entails is the player plugging their headset into one side of a squid shaped hub, and then taking the two leads which protrude from the other side and slotting one into the headphone jack of the player’s Switch console, and the other into the headphone jack of their phone. The whole setup looks like a double-headed penis attacking the owner’s living room appliances, which is kind of apt given the amount of emphasis that Nintendo has placed on the Switch’s ability to dock. It looks like a solution custom made to cause the player to pull both their phone and their Switch off of their entertainment cabinet. This is trash, even by Nintendo’s standards…
Nintendo Online Plans Detailed
… Something that is not trash however, are the changes that Nintendo has made to their paid online plans. Nintendo’s initial plan was to allow subscribers access to one NES or SNES game per month, and after that month they would lose access to that game while gaining access to another. It was a complete joke. Instead Nintendo will now provide access to a library of NES titles so long as the individual’s subscription does not lapse. This means that no artificial constraints will be placed on an individual’s access to the games.
Nintendo has stated that they have not yet decided upon whether they will include SNES games in this library, which makes it sound kind of doubtful. What is also unknown is whether the library will feature third party favourites like Contra, or whether it is strictly Nintendo titles only. The latter sounds more likely given that this is Nintendo, but their licensing of third party software for the NES Classic at least provides some hope for a diverse line-up.
Regardless of either of these two unknowns, this still represents a positive step forward – at least on paper. Nintendo’s implementation is still an unknown, and they do tend to have the capacity to ruin even the best concept, but at least the possibility exists that this could be good. When Nintendo’s paid online launches in 2018 [such a long way off] $20 will buy a twelve month subscription. This means that IF Nintendo releases one NES Virtual Console game per month, then subscribers will get access over the course of the year to twelve games that Nintendo usually prices at $4.99 – $5.99 for roughly $1.70 a piece, with the obvious caveat that they will not actually own the games.
That being said, it is not like Nintendo customers can ever really own their Virtual Console games regardless, given the fact that if one’s console happens to go up in smoke then so too do their entire library of Virtual Console games. It is possible to recover this library, but only if one pays Nintendo hundreds of dollars to fix their console – and this will remain the case until user accounts are [if ever] implemented. This being the case, it may simply make more sense for some people to subscribe to the NES library.
Switch Shortages Are Due to Apple
Where did this Switch shortage meme even come from? Are the Nintendo fanbabies gaslighting Lusipurr.com? To listen to the reporting one would have to conclude that there are no Switch consoles on shelves, and new Switch shipments tend to sell out the moment they arrive at stores. Never mind the fact that multiple staff members have seen Switches just sitting on shelves for weeks, because apparently that shit is not actually happening. Perhaps Lusipurr.com staff members just happen to live in the rare locations that actually can keep Switch consoles on shelves, and as such our anecdotal accounts are misleading, as they do not portray the situation as it truly exists. At any rate one has to proceed as though this is the case, given the overwhelming volume of reporting that is asserting it as fact.
Anyway, it seems as though this apparent shortage is due in large part to Nintendo having to compete for components, such as memory chips and LCD screens, with Apple. Apple’s iPhone7 has proved to be very popular, and they are gearing up to release a new model of iPhone this year. When mention is made of competing for LCD screens, this presumably does not mean fully manufactured screens, due to the vastly different resolutions of the two devices, but rather the material used to manufacture screens.
What this all means is that there is apparently insufficient Nintendo Switch stock to meet demand. According to the unnamed sources of the financial website fortune.com Nintendo is actually considering increasing the price they are willing to pay for these components, and plan on offsetting this cost by raising the RRP of Nintendo Switch units. One fucking hopes this is true! The Nintendo Switch is already horribly overpriced, so seeing a Switch price rise would be glorious! If Nintendo had any sense they would remove all Switch stock from Australia where it is priced at $470 and sells like shit, and instead divert that shit to America where they allegedly cannot keep Switches on store shelves.