Editorial: Carjacking Realism

This editorial is about twelve hours late and about a bizzarre subject matter because that is how things are this week. Whether or not Adeki woke up at 4:00AM only to find that there was a car missing from his home’s driveway is up for grabs and to speculate on the matter is illegal according to his attornies which very much exist. Getting that out of the way, this week’s editorial is about how realistic car-theft can be in video games. Just roll with it, things will be a lot better next week.

Adeki actually wrote that script but everyone hated it so he burned it out of shame. Kept him warm during the winter time though!

OJ 2: Electric Boogaloo!

First up is the obvious choice of Grand Theft Auto: V and the realism that can be found in the game when it comes to stealing cars from unsuspecting innocents is adequate. The game’s primary location of Los Santos is almost identical to Los Angeles at times and as such there is a wide variety of cars to steal ranging from a mother’s SUV to a bachelor’s Mazzerati. After pressing a button to break into the car, the player must then take a few moments to hot-wire the vehicle. Hot-wire being a term that means the vandal bypassed the car’s standard ignition system in order to start it up to drive it away. This process is slightly more true to life than the average video game but future entries in the “Grand Theft Auto” franchise need to get with the times and start delving into the category of keyless entry cars. The world is now in an era when just having a key fob near a car can unlock its doors and start the engine with the push of a button and there is a lot of potential for chaos if Rockstar can figure out how to program that amount realism into a video game. Maybe keyless entry cars could make a cameo in Red Dead Redempton 2 as some sort of fancy type of horse? All in all: 6/10.

This is mind-boggling, the attention to detail is lacking! There is so much work to be done to really steal a tank, just take Bill Dauterive as an example.

The time it takes to rob a tank! Unthinkable!

Next up is the game Retro City Rampage which will soon enough be tied with Skyrim for how many platforms it is on. Originally released all the way back in 2012, nowadays fans can find the game on basically every modern console including the Android TV and for more retro-inclined fans: MS-DOS. That being said, although the game is availabe on a wide variety of gaming consoles it does not excuse the developers of Vblank Entertainment from committing a non-existant crime because of how deceiving the game is when it comes to stealing cars. With just the press of a button the protagonist is in the car driving it around and there’s not even a gosh-darn (excuse the language) ounce of realism in that. Where is the mission where the player sneaks up on an unsuspecting family’s driveway and use some varying pieces of technology to break into the car silently so one suspects a thing? Where is the moral guilt one might find plaguing them after stealing a car from a single mother? More games need to have some sort of guilt-o-meter in order to punish sinful behaviors and maybe the next game by Vblank Entertainment can address this hot-button issue. The official ranking for the carjacking realism in Retro City Rampage: 3/10.

Hiding one's face from the world after committing a crime, now THAT is the real world reflected in video games.

Now THIS is called realism!

Last but certaintly not least in this award-winning editorial is the game Watch Dogs 2 available on the Xbox One and PlayStation 4. Although the first Watch Dogs was criticized for its lack of realism in that no sane collection of people would make an entire city “smart” leaving it extremely susceptible to hacking, the second game decides to go all in on this ridiculousness and the entire city of San Francisco is ripe for the hacking. There are annoying hipsters, tech-obsessed junkies, Martin Shkreli (in a way), and it just makes for a fun time when there are drones flying the skies high-tech cars roaming the streets. That being said, because the world of Watch Dogs 2 makes it extremely easy to hack things, it is then magically realistic to press a button or two and then immediately have control over a talking car (actual event in game). Watch Dogs 2 advances beyond mere keys or having to break a car’s window to gain entry, but instead it relies on the protagonist’s technological know-how. Using just a smart-phone and a powerful brain a car’s doors can open themselves up to the player making for a seamless getaway. Thus is the future of gaming-nay, the world. Rating: 10/10.

Well, that is it for this week’s editorial. Apparently after two weeks of semi-decent editorials Adeki just crashed and burned and decided to write this slop. To be fair though, Lusipurr was the one who gave Adeki the topic idea. But Adeki is the one who took this beautiful idea and drove it into the ground by sitting on it for about a hot second. Next week will be more in-line with the semi-decent editorials readers have come to expect in the past two weeks. Also, if you see a car with the licsense plate “ADKIMBL” please leave a comment. Or just leave a comment saying something nice about Adeki or this editorial, it boosts his confidence.

 

6 comments on “Editorial: Carjacking Realism”

  1. Yeah just…just tune in next week. I mean work was put into this editorial, but at what cost?

  2. Are you okay? You seem agitated, Adeki.

    Retro City Rampage has Skyrim beat handily. It has to be the most ported game of recent times, what with Wii and 3DS and Vita and other places Skyrim would never dare to go. The classic yardstick of “but can it play Doom?” should be updated to Skyrim one day, but you’ll find RCR is already there.

  3. Just in: I’ve heard you can steal a car in Skyrim with the appropriate mods.

  4. @Tanzenmatt: I’m calm! We now have a car in the driveway and I’m happy. But yeah, RCR is PREVALENT even when compared to Skyrim. I wouldn’t be suprised to see it pop up on the next PlayStation or Xbox. Or even the new Atari console!

    @Lusipurr: A LOT is possible in Skyrim with the appropriate mods.

  5. @Adeki: You can probably BE a car and re-enact your favourite movie, Cars 2, starring Tom Hanks.

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