News: Virtually Inconsolable

Nintendo Unveils Virtual Console*

The Switch Virtual Console has been a long time in coming. The Switch console has been on the market for around ten months and still no Virtual Console. Nintendo has been promising us a GameCube Virtual Console since half way through the Wii U’s lifecycle, but it never materialised. Finally this week Nintendo has revealed that Wii and GameCube titles will be making their debut on the Virtual Console, as they have finally got an emulator up and running on the Tegra processor which powers the Switch. As of now New Super Mario Bros. Wii, Twilight princess, and Punch Out are all available for purchase at $10 a pop. There is but one caveat to all this. These games are not available for the Nintendo Switch. They are available for the Nvidia Shield, and only in China!

... But not to Switch.
Coming to a Shield near you!

What the everloving fuck Nintendo?!

Extending the business relationship that brought NVIDIA technology to Nintendo Switch, some of Nintendo’s most beloved Wii and Nintendo GameCube titles are officially headed to China for the first time. New Super Mario Bros. Wii, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess and PUNCH-OUT!! are remastered in 1080p and available on the China version of NVIDIA SHIELD, released today.

SHIELD owners in China will be able to download and play select Wii and Nintendo GameCube titles, with others coming soon – among them,Super Mario Galaxy. These amazing games have been provided to NVIDIA under license.

So Nintendo finally develops their next gen Virtual Console, and then promptly deny the owners of their premier hardware platform. Obviously this is going to come to the Switch at some point and is being held back for strategic reasons, yet preferencing Chinese Shield owners ahead of their own paying customers is a really bad message to send. Basically it sucks.

Dorritos Nope

Meme magic is strong in the current year. The Game Awards were held over the past week, and corporate shitheel Geoff Keighly revealed that Doritos had offered him a sack full of shekels in order to host the whole thing as the Doritos Pope, which he sadly declined. On the one hand this situation shows that even Geoff Keighly is able to turn down corporate tie-ins if they are blatant enough. On the other hand if Keighly had dressed as the Doritos Pope then it would have at least showed his critics that he was able to have a sense of humour about the situation – but then humour does not seem to be his strong suit.

Is a little self-awareness too much to ask?
This is what the human soul looks like when it condenses and attempts to tear itself free from the lifeless husk of Geoff Keighly!

At the end of the day people do hold the show to a really high standard, because we all want this moment to celebrate games in a big way.

There’s still brands that won’t get it. This year Doritos called up and asked would I be willing to wear the Doritos pope outfit and host the entire show. We’re not gonna do that, I don’t wanna make a mockery of the show. This is to celebrate game development, it’s not about you.

I was offended in a way too, because I get the meme and I poke fun at it all the time. I’m not opposed to it. But it shouldn’t be about me, it shouldn’t be about Doritos… we have to always be in service of the game creators.

Keighly does not wish to make a mockery of the show? Well that is just precious. in a way one can agree that he should not be tarred with the Doritos brush, because really the advertising which is most on the nose at the Game Awards is entirely video game related. That is to say that the game awards are one big long advert which is occasionally interspersed with tiny slivers of content!

The scant content which was there is garbage of course. PUBG got a game of the year award, and then later in the show it was announced that the game itself would actually see release in the near future! Overwatch made for even more of a farce, winning an armful of 2017 awards in spite of the fact that the game itself was released in 2016! The whole thing absolutely reeked of corporate brown-nosing and nepotistic favoritism. But stay salty about your wounded sensibilities, Geoff! The Game Awards would totally be a grand institution of the medium if not for those pesky memes!

Scores of New Game Announcements

Disgusting corporate whoring aside, the Game Awards were not a complete waste of time, if only because of the slew of new game announcements this week. One title which certainly looks to be better than nothing is Mega Man XI! Many people would have been content with just receiving another NES style Mega Man entry, yet Mega Man XI is a fresh looking 2.5D outing, which also features 2D hand-drawn elements. The next big announcement was Bayonetta 3 as a Switch exclusive. This is probably not all that surprising, given how well the Switch appears to be doing, and how well the last Bayonetta game was received on Nintendo hardware.

Who figured we would see a new mainline Mega Man title in the current year?

Fighting fans got something to be excited about with the announcement of Soul Calibur VI. This entry will apparently be taking inspiration from the speed of Soul Calibur II. From Software announced Shadows Die Twice with a teaser trailer, which people are assuming to be the next installment of their Souls style games. If one had to guess then it seems likely that Shadows Die Twice will be the spiritual successor to Bloodborne, and that the change in name is due to From Software wanting to release the game on multiple platforms, in much the same way as Dark Souls was a spiritual successor to Demon’s Souls. Finally, FPS fans got a little something too, as 4A games announced the third entry in their post-apocalyptic horror themed FPS franchise, Metro Exodus.

That was not all however, as there were also a bunch of HD remasters announced this week. First up was the announcement that Bayonetta 1 and Bayonetta 2 would be remastered for the Switch, which makes sense since many people likely missed them on the Wii U. This way Switch owners can become familiar with the franchise ahead of the release of Bayonetta 3. From one Hideki Kamiya series to another, the Devil May Cry HD Collection will be coming to PS4, PC, and Xbone on March 13 of 2018. The collection will include the first three games, and will cost gamers $29 – Capcom is usually pretty good about their pricing.

Capcom also announced that all eight installments of the Mega Man X series will be coming to PS4, PC, Xbone, and Switch. One initially thought that the games would be packaged together like the recent Mega Man collections on PS4, however if Wikipedia is to be believed then this will just be an emulation of the Mega Man X Collection, which appeared on PS2, Xbox, and GameCube. Finally, Sony announced that Medievil would be getting a swanky new remaster for the PS4. PS1 graphics do not typically scale well to modern resolutions, so it seems likely that the game’s graphics will be significantly reworked.


  1. I’m interested in how Capcom will handle their Mega Man X Legacy Collection. The first MM Legacy Collection was done very well, but the second one (MM7-11) was handled badly, with many of the original Legacy Collection’s features entirely removed. It was strange because, as the second collection in a series, it should not have FEWER features!

    I’m worried that Capcom has seen this as a way to make money very quickly and to do it with quick-and-dirty ports. If that’s the case, the MMX Legacy Collection might be even more slapdash than LC 2. To say nothing of Mega Man 11…

  2. Capcom is not Konami. Capcom is not Konami. Capcom is not Konami.

    If I say it enough, I might believe it.

    It’s highly likely nVidia paid many, many yuan for the benefit of being able to release Nintendo games on their hardware in an official capacity in a market where, shall we say, bootleg piracy is rampant. I expect many nVarda Shulds will be sold that will play Genesis and NeoGeo games as well. Nintendo will release a Virtual Console for the JP and NA/EU markets when the time is right, meaning when they can capitalize on maximum nostalgia for classic games.

  3. Oh wow, popular Nvarda Shuld mention in comment post on article shows up-and-coming success and reason why more to buy Nvarda Shuld today!!!

    “Nintendo will release a Virtual Console for the JP and NA/EU markets when the time is right, meaning when they can capitalize on maximum nostalgia for classic games.”

    @Woland: This presumes Nintendo is competent at running a business, rather than simply lurching from surprise success to surprise success through the morass of failure that lies between.

  4. I’m was looking forward to the X series coming to PS4 until I read that it’s the PS2 version. I guess it will be coming to the PS2 classics range.

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