News: The Politics of Division

Massive Entertainment: Forced Politics Bad for Game Sales

This week the COO of Massive Entertainment, Alf Condelius, spoke out against the forced shoehorning of NPC politics into vidya. Apparently cramming games full of partisan political messaging is not great for selling copies – who knew? It is not like Western vidya devs could just take a look at the attendance numbers for the NFL in order to see how well partisan politicking serves the popularity of escapist entertainment!

... Who'd have thought?
According to Massive forcing partisan politics into games is not great for sales…

It’s a balance, because we cannot be openly political in our games. So for example, in The Division, it’s a dystopian future and there’s a lot of interpretations that it’s something that we see the current society moving towards. But it’s not – it’s a fantasy. It’s a universe and a world that we created for people to explore how to be a good person in a slowly decaying world. But people like to put politics into that – and we back away from those interpretations as much as we can, because we don’t want to take a stance in current politics.

That is political, but we’re not going out and saying you should vote for that person, or you should not do this. But it’s a political statement of course, and we think that it’s important, but we’re not writing it on somebody’s nose.

All of this stuff should just be intuitive, but for some reason it is mystifying rocket science to the majority of Western devs. Western game development has likely always been over-represented by individuals from a certain political background. The same could likely also be said of comic books and movies. That being said, in past generations one would be hard pressed to identify this political bias because products were made for a broad audience. For some reason we cannot have this in the current year though. Apparently running orangemanbad.exe precludes any possibility of escapist entertainment products being made for a politically diverse audience.

Condelius’ comments are timely here, as within just the last two weeks we have seen Sony’s American branch knock back the release of Senran Kagura Burst Re:Newal for wholly political reasons. Sony is demanding that the game’s ‘intimacy mode’ be removed, but the unmodified game has already been rated ‘M’ by the ESRB for American release, meaning that this is not being done for any legal reason. Moreover, the Senran Kagura series has already released titles on Playstation platforms which have featured an ‘intimacy mode’, making this demand arbitrary and political. Apparently Sony loves smelly lesbian kisses, but as soon as they see cute girls doing cute things they become triggered AF. Not good for business.

Call of Duty Capitalises On EA’s Blunder

Injecting politics into vidya is not good for game sales, but it is great for your competitors. Such is the case for Call of Duty: Black Ops IIII. The storm clouds were gathered overhead for the release of Black Ops IIII. Shooter fans wanted to draw blood on Activision, on account of this being the first Call of Duty game to completely abandon a single player campaign. So all in all things were not looking great for the game, and then in a move of pure retardation EA delivered everything that shooter fans least wanted in a single package: Battlefield V

Battlefield will not be competitive this year.
Call of Duty just took a scalp.

Over recent years shooter fans have been yearning for a return to historical 20th century conflicts, and Battlefield V does actually attempt to deliver of this, albeit in an extremely odd and distasteful way. Battlefield V is set against the backdrop of WWII, but right there fighting on the front lines are troops of British women with mechanical arms and their faces splashed with neon face paint. Shooter fans took one look at this anachronistic disaster, and then resigned themselves to buy Black Ops III as the premiere FPS of 2018.

To this end Black Ops IIII appears to be doing really well in its first ten days on the market. The game’s battle royale mode has been warmly received as one of the better such modes on the market, and meanwhile the game has reached some impressive milestones. In its first three days on sale the game has raked in over 500 million dollars in game sales, and has set franchise records for the highest number of combined players, average hours played per player, and total number of hours played on current generation consoles. The odds were already stacked against Battlefield V owing to the bad decisions made by EA, but now it also has to go up against a verified hit in the form of a resurgent Call of Duty that everyone is already playing when it releases next month on November 20. This author will have a bowl of popcorn on hand when reporting how it fares.

Dong Calibur

Give man the means to express himself and you will get dicks. Lots and lots of dicks – sometimes devised in ingenious ways. Like these people might have been doctors, lawyers, and rocket surgeons if not for their fixation on male junk. If the potential to create a cock and balls is there, then their creation is an inevitability! Exhibit A: Soulcalibur VI.

Oh dear! Somebody gave their game a character creator, didn't they?
Custer never stood a chance!

Soulcalibur VI has a character creator that would make most RPGs envious. Players have already done many amazing things with the Soulcalibur VI character creator, designing amazing models for Ciri, Thanos, and Ronald McDonald to name a few, but one utilisation has gained more attention than anything else: the implementation of male genitalia. Ridiculous, dangly, swollen male genitalia.

This effect has been achieved through dressing the character in a scant thong, before attaching and carefully arranging items at their waist in order to create the impression that they are in possession of a massive pendulous dong! These makeshift wangs are then used as the character’s weapon, to hilarious effect! Soulcalibur VI was not on this author’s radar previously, but some reconsideration may be in order, as this looks like a blast!


  1. Give people a dick and they will wield it for a day. Give people the power to make their own dicks, and they will wield them forever.

  2. I bet Soulcalibur has gained a few extra sales off the back of the character creation systems.

  3. Give 100 monkeys their own 3d printers, and eventually they will create the works of Shakespeare with a penis shoved through the omnibus.

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