News: No Platform for Cute Girls

SJW Sony Is Now In the Driver’s Seat of Worldwide Game Approval

The Japanese branch of the Playstation brand has not been in a terribly strong position since Japanese consumers started to migrate away from home consoles during the seventh console generation. The prestige and autonomy of Playstation’s Japanese branch was somewhat protected while Kaz Hirai was CEO, because Kaz got his start with Playstation, and as such took a special interest. Now that Kaz has left the position though, power has begun to be transferred away from Sony of Japan, to the point where they now no longer even have full control over their own domestic game releases. This is quite extraordinary.

... Not even in Japan.

Sony of America must not permit the existence of cute girls doing cute things. Unacceptable!

The cat mothers and cool wine aunts of Sony of America (reportedly based out of California) now have full veto power over the games that get approved for release in Japan. American corporate culture has gone all in on the NPC mindset, and American executives are made to experience unhappy feelings when someone points out to them that games with cute girls doing cute things are being released in Japan. As such the financially dominant American arm of the business has fought to gain control over the affairs of the Japanese branch, so that they are now able to deny their Japanese consumers the content they prefer in order to save face in front of their social justice friends. Business is no longer primarily about making money – it is now preferable to appear virtuous while steering a business into the ground than it is to display wrongthink while guiding a business to success. The preference of consumers hardly even factors into the equation!

This is not just a blow for Japanese gamers, but also for Japanese developers. Game submission has never been a particularly easy process, but it has now been made much more difficult owning to the fact that Japanese studios submitting Japanese games for Japanese domestic release must now make these submissions using only English – because their American cat lady censors are unable to understand moonspeak. This is a big problem when nobody on the development team can speak English.

Given that Playstation started out as an edgier and more mature alternative to Nintendo, it is kind of funny to see that PS4 games are now hit harder by self-imposed censorship than anything on the Switch. This just strengthens one’s view that every aspect of the Western vidya industry is nothing but pure cancer AIDS. Here is a crazy idea – why not let the actual industry sensors of the ESRB and CERO do their jobs, and then allow developers to release anything that they want provided that it is legal? How about that? No? Well it was just a suggestion…

Japan better get used to smelly lesbian kisses!

Blizzard Announces Diablo 4 Shitty Phone Game

For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these: Lusipurr was right again! Poor old Imitanis, he was so certain sure that Blizzard were going to announce Diablo 4 this week. He felt that all the signs pointed to a big Diablo 4 announcement at this week’s Blizzcon, and paid little heed when Lusipurr warned him that it was only going to be a mobile phone game. Well, BlizzCon has come and gone this week, and the jewel in Blizzard’s crown this year was the announcement of Diablo Immortal, a reskin of a shitty Chinese gacha mobile game!

Let's hope this keeps him going until Diablo 4!

Not everything that Imitanis dreamed it would be!

Imitanis is not the only Blizzard fan on suicide watch though. The game was announced to audible boos and jeers from the audience. Later during a Q&A section of the presentation a fellow asked Blizzard whether this was an out of season April Fools joke, at which point the audience responded with rapturous applause. Blizzard are so out of touch that they seemed genuinely puzzled as to why people were so upset, asking “Do you guys not have phones?” Imitanis has a phone, but like many other Diablo fans that is not his preferred platform!

Things do not look much better for Blizzard on Youtube – though at least here they are able to delete the negative reaction! It is like Blizzard has never heard of the Streisand effect, because they are not only deleting angry comments, but they are also deleting user downvotes! Fortunately Social Blade creates a record of precisely how much viewer interaction individual Youtube videos experience, and so this record can be used to observe precisely what Blizzard is doing here.

The official ‘Diablo Immortal Cinematic Trailer’ has accrued 67,000 comments, yet the Youtube video itself claims that there are just 48,000 comments – meaning that Blizzard has deleted a massive 19,000 comments. The same video has accrued a combined 505,000 user ratings according to Social Blade, whereas the video itself indicates that it has received 13,000 upvotes and 377,000 downvotes – meaning that Blizzard has deleted 115,000 user ratings. Meanwhile the official ‘Diablo Immortal Gameplay Trailer’ video has accrued 21,000 comments according to Social Blade, yet the video itself indicates that there are just 14,800 comments – meaning that Blizzard has deleted 6,200 comments. Social Blade further indicates that the video has received 257,000 user ratings, yet the video itself shows 8,600 upvotes and 162,000 downvotes – meaning that Blizzard has deleted 86,400 user ratings! Blizzard is performing some big league damage control here, and it is perplexing as to why Youtube even has user ratings if they are just going to let corporate fatcats and marketing weasels distort and alter the reality of the situation in an attempt to erase consumer feedback.

Sony Sure Did Fuck Up the Playstation Classic!

Wow, Sony sure did fuck up the execution of the PS1 classic. With the NES Mini and the SNES Mini there were certainly criticisms to be had. Why Super C and not the original Contra? Why Castlevania II instead of Castlevania III? Where the heck was Chrono Trigger? But all nitpicking aside, the composition of their game roster would have been something close to 80% great titles and 20% titles that fell short of greatness, but which probably still had a reasonably large audience who were happy to see them there. By contrast we have learned this week that the Playstation Classic feature just seven great games, a further five games which are decent yet do not belong here, and then eight games which range from mediocre to insulting.

The PS1 Classic is a damn joke!

At the time of release the PS1 port of Rainbow Six garnered a review average of 48%!

Great games:

Final Fantasy VII
Grand Theft Auto
Metal Gear Solid
Resident Evil Director’s Cut
Ridge Racer Type 4
Tekken 3
Wild Arms

Decent games:

Cool Boarders 2
Rayman
Jumping Flash
Oddworld: Abe’s Oddysee
Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo

Games that do not belong in any sort of collection:

Battle Arena Toshinden
Destruction Derby
Syphon Filter
Twisted Metal
Mr Driller
Revelations: Persona
Intelligent Qube (Kurushi)
Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six

$100 seems like a high price to pay for seven good games. There are a few decent games beyond that, but nothing really noteworthy. Rayman would probably be OK to have, but what is it even doing here? Rayman was an Atari Jaguar port, so what is it even doing here in a collection of ‘classic’ PS1 games? More to the point, there are already some Namco games in this collection, so why did Sony think that Rayman deserved to be here ahead of something like Klonoa? And Destruction Derby!!! What the fuck is that doing here?! It is a Psygnosis game, a developer that was owned by Sony, and a developer who also happened to release Wipeout, Wipeout XL, and Wipeout 3 on the PS1! Why on earth was Wipeout left out of the collection? That game was synonymous with the Playstation back in 1995!

Syphon Filter was always the poor man’s Metal Gear Solid, so given that Metal Gear Solid already made the list, why is Syphon Filter here? Intelligent Cube?! Mr Driller?!! What is Persona doing here? Persona was not even popular back in the PS1 era, and the game only seems to have been put here because of the Persona series’ explosion in popularity with Persona 5 on the PS4. All that aside though, Persona should not be here for another reason entirely. The North American release of Persona on the PS1 was a bowdlerised abomination of a botch conversion, which ‘localised’ the game’s Japanese setting into an American one. The localisation team even ‘localised’ one Japanese character (Inaba Masao) into a black character (Mark), and they did not even bother to redraw the character, they just coloured him in like blackface! He got the full Netflix treatment. Persona later received a proper port to the PSP, meaning that the PS1 version is something that nobody should ever have to play ever again.

Probably the oddest inclusion here though is a busted up PS1 port of Rainbow Six. One has great difficulty imagining that even series fans would want to go back and play the PC or Dreamcast versions of the first Rainbow Six game, much less a cobbled together fucked up PS1 tech demo of it! For reference Gamerankings sees the PC version of the game awarded a respectable 81%, the Dreamcast port awarded a 72%, and the PS1 port awarded a 48% because it is a busted up piece of shit. The game did not hold up even back then, with aggregated reviews of the time giving it less than half marks, and yet somehow it finds itself on a list of PS1 classics! Sony!!!

The most upsetting thing here is that this product could have been so much better, even without spending any extra money on licensing. There are wholly owned Sony properties that have been left out for no good reason:

Sony:

Legend of Dragoon
Legend of Legia
Wild Arms 2
Gran Turismo
Gran Turismo 2
Wipeout
Wipeout XL
Wipeout 3
Medievil
Medievil 2
Spyro
Spyro 2
Spyro: Year of the Dragon

Medieval has probably been left off the list because there is a HD remake in the works for the PS4, and ditto Spyro. Its omission for that reason is not really good enough, but whatever. How about Gran Turismo though? Do you suppose that people would sooner play Gran Turismo or perhaps Wipeout rather than Destruction Derby?

Sony have really half assed this.

The Playstation Classic: a fine collection of shovelware and ewaste!

Things look even worse for Sony if one merely considers the games left out by the publishers/developers who are already supporting the Playstation Classic – Square Enix, Konami, Namco, and Capcom:

Square Enix:

Final Fantasy VIII
Final Fantasy IX
Xenogears
Final Fantasy Tactics
Chrono Cross
Vagrant Story
Saga Fronteer
Saga Fronteer 2
Ein Hander
Tomb Raider
Tomb Raider 2
Tomb Raider 3
Blood Omen
Soul Reaver
Valkyrie Profile
Dragon Warrior VII
Star Ocean 2

Konami:

Symphony of the Night
Silent Hill
Suikoden
Suikoden II

Namco:

Tekken
Tekken 2
Klonoa
Ace Combat
Ace Combat 2
Ace Combat 2
Soul Blade
Tales of Eternia

Capcom:

Resident Evil 2
Resident Evil 3
Dino Crisis
Dino Crisis 2
Breath of Fire III
Breath of Fire IV
Darkstalkers
Darkstalkers 3
Assorted Street Fighter games.
Assorted Mega Man platformers.
Mega Man Legends
Mega Man Legends 2
The Misadventures of Tron Bonne

Could we perhaps find something a little more appropriate among all of these? Square Enix, Konami, Namco, and Capcom are sitting on some real gold here. Even just exchanging Puzzle Fighter (Capcom) for Breath of Fire III, and Mr Driller (Namco) for Soul Blade, along with Destruction Derby (Sony) for Wipeout would be enough to make a hell of a difference with the Playstation Classic. Sony do not appear to have tried especially hard on the Japanese version either, but even there they have managed to come up with a vastly superior product to the Western version of the Playstation Classic. The Japanese version gets most of the good games from the Western release of the Playstation Classic, but with the addition of:

Arc the Lad
Arc the Lad II
Armored Core
G Darius
Gradius Gaiden
Parasite Eve
SaGa Frontier

The PS1 was a JRPG beast, yet only three out of the Playstation Classic’s twenty games are JRPGs, and worse still one of those is a butchered travesty that nobody should ever play. The Japanese version of the Playstation Classic is nothing special, but it at least seems to be worth the money. The Western version is a pile of trash and is worth nobody’s money. Sony really fucked up here. This is not a nostalgic product, but rather an unwelcome reminder of how much shovelware was on the PS1.

6 comments on “News: No Platform for Cute Girls”

  1. I don’t think I’ve seen SN this mad since the Great Beer Drought of 2013. He’s STILL going off about the Sony PS Classic!

  2. @S’NooB So we’re going to be treated to weeks of you gassing about the PSOne Classic? Because if so, maybe I’m going to need to bring more CV talk to the ‘cast.

  3. We can talk about the conspicuous absence of SotN, and kill two birds with one stone!

  4. Loved the salty words of SNOOB, I applaud such words full with information :0

  5. Blizzcon is over and there were no Diablo announcements. I was sure something Diablo related was coming, but maybe not?
    No, they didn’t announce a thing.
    Nothing.
    NOTHING!
    Nothing of any worth diablo-related was announced at that conference.

    I’ll be in my room with a rope and step ladder if anyone needs me.

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