News: A Second Reprieve

Reprieve for Final Fantasy VII Pre-Orderers

The Final Fantasy VII Remake is shaping up to be an unmitigated abortion of a game, which fundamentally wrecks the legacy of a very special game that was a formative part of our childhoods. Now Final Fantasy VII Remake will be viewed as the definitive Final Fantasy VII, while the game proper will be lost to time, and the adherents thereof will be viewed as strange boomers who are too set in our ways to play the ‘good’ version of the game. The original content of Final Fantasy VII (1997) will only form a minority of the content in Final Fantasy VII Remake, and what little content is there has been irredeemably perverted and stuffed to the seams with unnecessary Sephiroth fan service.

Gotta go fast!

Customers of the Square Enix Online Store can cancel their pre-orders if they do not wish to make Speed Demon’s acquaintance.

Barely a week ago, TDT reported that we had all been given a reprieve when Final Fantasy VII Remake was delayed by a month, and now it seems like anyone who has pre-ordered the game through Square Enix’s North American online store will be given the option for a second reprieve. That is, due to the game’s delay, Square Enix are requiring all current pre-orders to re-confirm their purchase; and, failure to do so will lead to Square Enix cancelling that order. So, if any readers have buyer’s remorse given revelations about the game, then refunding that purchase will be as simple as not re-confirming the pre-order, assuming that the original purchase is through their online store.

For our fans in the United States who have preordered Final Fantasy VII Remake from the Square Enix Store:

Due to the release date change to April 10th, you must opt in by February 28th for your order not to be cancelled. To confirm your order please check for an email from Square Enix on this topic, and then click the link in the email to be taken to a web page to opt in.

If you do not opt-in to keep your preorder by February 28th, your preorder will be automatically cancelled.

While morbid curiosity is probably enough to ensure that most of us nevertheless resolve ourselves to take a bite of that shit sandwich, it is still nice to be given the option to be able to easily cancel our orders with no questions asked, and thereby spare ourselves the trauma of playing through Final Fantasy VII Remake. There is probably no such luck for customers who have ordered the game through GameStop’s website or the US version of PSN.

Corona-Chan Is Good for Business

China has not always been a good friend to gaming. When they are not busy buying up and coopting Western game studios, they are otherwise occupied with banning games and putting children into gaming rehabilitation centres every time they have some minor moral panic over the content of a game. China has not had a great deal of time to do moral panics over the last week. Nonetheless, China should really look into buying a controlling stake in Ndemic Creations, given the amount of business they have sent their way recently.

At least the people who succumb to coronavirus won’t have to play Final Fantasy VII Remake.

Indeed!

Ndemic Creation’s game Plague Inc. is many years old now, yet this week it became the top felling app in China and the game’s servers were having difficulty keeping up with the sudden demand:

Hey – our website and servers for multiplayer and custom scenarios are struggling to cope with very high player numbers. We are working hard and things should be running again by 4pm UK time. Sorry!

Over the course of the last few weeks a new disease known as coronavirus was discovered in the Wuhan region, a mere 8 miles from a Chinese biological weapons research centre, and a mere 20 miles away from the Wuhan Institute of Virology, but one is sure that is just a coincidence. It would seem that the Chinese are turning to a years old video game in order to get more accurate information on the spread of coronavirus than can be provided by their government, but Ndemic Creations has cautioned against this:

Please remember that Plague Inc. is a game, not a scientific model and that the current coronavirus outbreak is a very real situation which is impacting a huge number of people. We would always recommend that players get their information directly from local and global health authorities.

It is all very easy for Ndemic to say just trust the authorities. 50 million people have been placed under quarantine, all transport in and out of the area has been completely shut down with the government building makeshift walls to block off all roads out of Wuhan, Disneyland and McDonalds have been shut down, doctors and nurses have been breaking down under the stress, Men in hazmat suits with machine guns are now patrolling the streets, China has already thrown twelve billion dollars at the problem, and there have been reports of planes dropping disinfecting chemicals over the city – but only a couple of thousand people have been infected, and only 18 40 82 people have died. So nothing to worry about then. 82 people is not a huge toll, relatively speaking. Good thing the Chinese people have such super reliable and super accurate scientists to tell them what to think. Silly Chinese people, why you get your information from video games when smart scientist guys say there is nothing to be worried about? It is not like the Chinese authorities have ever been known to lie to everybody in order to save face. Just trust the state.

Devs Are More Excited to Make Games for PS5 Than Series X

Playstation may be a dystopian platform replete with the kind of blanket censorship that would make 1980s Nintendo of America green with envy, but it would seem that developers are still more interested to make games for the forthcoming PS5 than for the Xbox Series X. Of course PC, as an established platform, still has the most developer support, but the PS5 comes in second, with Series X as a very distant third. In a GDC survey with a sample size of 4000 game devs it was found that 50% were interested in making games for the PC, 38% were interested in making games for the PS5, while a mere 25% of game devs were interested in making games for the Series X.

Took long enough!

Everyone finally seems to be getting sick of Microsoft’s shit.

The survey further queried on which platforms that developer’s next games would be appearing, and found that 23% of devs said that their next game would appear on PS5, while 17% of devs said that their next game would be appearing on the Series X. That is not exactly night and day, but it still shows that the PS5 can anticipate enjoying a substantial amount of additional support over the Series X. Of course a successful launch could very quickly turn things around for the Series X, but then Microsoft certainly are not doing themselves any favours by pledging to eschew having any Series X exclusive games during the console’s first two years on the market.

1 comment on “News: A Second Reprieve”

  1. “the game proper will be lost to time, and the adherents thereof will be viewed as strange boomers who are too set in our ways to play the ‘good’ version of the game”
    Vomit emoji, size 48, typed an infinite number of times.

    “during the console’s first two years on the market.”

    two years

    two years

    TWO YEARS

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