News: Square Enix Suppresses VII’s Ending

Square Enix To Sue People who Upload VII Remake’s Ending

It is no great surprise that this should be the case, given that Square Enix is selling Final Fantasy VII Remake under false pretences. Final Fantasy VII Remake is not a remake at all, but rather a backdoor sequel. Final Fantasy VII Remake depicts all the major events of the original game as all being brought about by the Arbitors of Fate, until Sephiroth goads Cloud into destroying the Arbitors of Fate, indicating that the next game in the series will completely diverge from the Final Fantasy VII plotline. And then Zack came back to life. Spoilers btw. But this is all information that Square Enix does not want getting out into the public discourse.

This game isn’t a remake.
Pictured: The favourite character of Caspius!

Square Enix has been hitting Youtube letsplayers with DMCA strikes for featuring footage taken from Final Fantasy VII Remake’s ending, and threatening them with legal action if they attempt to dispute it:

This is Legal & Intellectual Property Division, SQUARE ENIX CO., LTD.

The content uploaded by you infringes SQUARE ENIX CO., LTD’s copyrights in Final Fantasy VII Remake. The unauthorised content does not constitute a “fair use” of that intellectual property, even if the user purchased the game at retail.

In addition, the uploaded content specifically violates the Material Usage License because it includes content that players were prohibited from natively capturing on the PS4 (see section 1 and the final two paragraphs of the Material Usage Licence).

Therefore, you should retracts your counternotice.

If you are unwilling to do this thing, Square Enix must reserve all rights, including the right to pursue legal action against you.

One is not sure of the nature of the footage that has been struck. One is unsure whether these Youtubers did enough to qualify the content as fair use, or whether Square Enix were within their legal rights to strike them. Here is the thing though, even if Square Enix were within their rights to strike these videos, that does not mean they actually should have. It is already a well documented fact that in most cases spoilers help people to enjoy entertainment more – and if ever there was an entertainment product that could most benefit from being spoiled it is Final Fantasy VII Remake. When asked, most people, whether grudging or enthusiastic, will admit that the gameplay of Final Fantasy VII Remake is pretty damn good. When asked, most people will also admit, whether grudging or enthusiastic, that the changes made to the story of Final Fantasy VII is a source of disappointment. Surely if ever there were a game that would benefit from being spoiled it is this one. If people are forewarned then they would already be over the initial shock before they ever start playing, and then they can start playing after already coming to terms with this fact. Moreover, people deserve to know what game they are actually buying. Square Enix would prefer to continue selling the game fraudulently though.

Switch Enjoys Unprecedented Month of Sales

It seems like no sooner did the quarantine begin then we began to hear about Nintendo Switch shortages. It has since come to light that scalpers have been using specialised software in order to instantly buy up Switch consoles in the highest quantities permitted by retail, yet this is a symptom rather than the root cause of the problem. The cause of the problem is that Coronavirus quarantining has led to the Switch enjoying a record month of sales.

The Switch is having a second launch month!
Nintendo can’t keep Switches on shelves.

The Switch has this month enjoyed its highest month of sales since release, smashing the sales it accrued during launch month. In fact this has been the strongest month for Nintendo hardware sales since the Nintendo DS in 2010 – only, unlike the DS, the Switch is priced as a full home console. NPD numbers also suggest that Switch sales have doubled this March in relation to what they were last March. This all coincides with the phenomenal success of Animal Crossing: New Horizons, which was the best selling game on any platform for the month of March. In fact Animal Crossing: New Horizons is Nintendo’s third best selling game since NDP started, only behind Super Smash Bros. Ultimate (2018) and Super Smash Bros. Brawl (2008).

One was always under the impression that Animal Crossing was just a middling Nintendo property, and so one assumes that Nintendo just lucked out with producing the right game for just the right moment. It certainly does not sound as though Nintendo have reinvented the series with New Horizons, so it can only be concluded that the meteoric success of the game is attributable to world events. Perhaps any high profile Nintendo game releasing in the month when Nintendo Switch sales blew up would be similarly propelled through the roof? Either way, the great Chinese Plague Quarantine of ‘20 has certainly been kind to Nintendo. In fact it has been kind to video games in general, with PS4 and Xbox One sales also being buffed by about 25%. With everyone stuck indoors people need something to play, and on this occasion it seems like New Horizons on the Nintendo Switch was it.

New Horizons Companion Guide Smites the Sodomites

The blue-haired harpies have been autistically screeching this week! As mentioned in the above story, Animal Crossing: New Horizons is the biggest thing out right now, which means that practically everyone is playing it, from carpetbaggers to cat ladies. The degenerates of the internet have been playing a lot of Animal Crossing this month, and they have become awfully committed to the idea that the characters of CJ and Flick are in a sodomite relationship. They are awfully committed to the idea that conservative Japanese company Nintendo would choose to shoehorn sodomy into their children’s video game! Apparently Animal Crossing was set to be the next frontier after turning children’s story hour into demonic tranny hell. Regardless, after projecting their alternate lifestyle onto an innocent Nintendo game they have been officially corrected, and so now they are angry and upset at Nintendo that the NSFW content that they projected onto these characters is not actually true. This is just like when they got angry at Nintendo because the gender they projected onto Breath of the Wild’s Link turned out to be way off the mark.

NPCs want to take this over like they did with She-Ra and Thunder Cats.
This is a children’s game – why does it need poz in it?

So according to the Animal Crossing: New Horizons Companion Guide CJ and Flick are childhood friends and roommates, and the reason that they refer to each other as their ‘partner’ is because they are actually partners – it turns out that in the world of Animal Crossing ‘partner’ is not merely euphemistic shorthand for degenerate copulation buddy. Now the blue-hair community is angry at Nintendo for undermining the adult fantasy they have been projecting onto this children’s game, and have been doing their best to flood the game with sodomite iconography. These people do not understand that sometimes games can be for children, and it is OK for these games to be for children. Then again, these people have probably been so infantilised by society that they may well view themselves as children – because that is kind of how they sound. And of course the usual offenders at Polygon have been cheering all of this on:

Even if the official word is that the two are just bros, now that Nintendo has put New Horizons into the world, it doesn’t really belong to them anymore. I mean, sure, they own it. But it’s the fans who take the world and run with it, ultimately giving everything meaning and worth.

It would be nice for Nintendo to confirm what everyone wants to hear, but no matter what the Japanese company says, fans have already decided what the pair means to them. To me, that’s wonderful — why starve waiting on brands to feed us scraps of affirmation? Why not take what you want and have some fun with it?

So if Nintendo does not give you the sexual gratification you desire then you should just reach out and take it, eh? That sounds a lot like rape. Nice going Polygon!

2 comments

  1. “Surely if ever there were a game that would benefit from being spoiled it is this one.”

    Bullseye!

    When a new game releases, people have a right to know what it involves. Then, they can make an informed decision about whether to buy and play it.

    But in this case, the imperative is increased. Because the game is being sold as a remake of an existing title, consumers have a right to know how closely the remake is adhering to the original. It is not merely a matter of whether the game is good in an abstract sense, but also whether or not it conforms to the content and standards of the original.

    It is increasingly clear that the remake does not conform to the original, and THAT is something that fans of the original who are buying the remake ought to know.

  2. Oh heck, I just realised–we misheard Nomura.

    We thought he said he was going to SURPASS Final Fantasy VII. He actually said he was going to SUPPRESS it! The writing was on the wall all along and we missed it! Mea culpa!

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