News: Comprehensive Playstation 5 Launch Info Blowout!

Introducing the Playstation 5

The Playstation 5 has been unveiled, and… Well… It looks like absolute shit. The system looks like a taco full of burnt meat had sex with a partially melted Alienware desktop tower, and the misshapen progeny is in dire need of a cleansing by fire! The system towers above the Series X, which already stands at 30cm tall, and it is all wobbly and misshapen with vents running all the way around. It looks like machine will have to be stood upright, because the casing looks to be too misshapen for it to be laid on its side without being prone to wobbling. TDT has previously reported on rumours that the PS5 was suffering from severe heating issues due to its GPU being massively overclocked in order to bridge the gap with the superior GPU of Microsoft’s Series X console, and the design of this fucking eyesore really bears that out. Sony’s choice to overclock the GPU might be good in the long run, as the baseline of performance they are locking in is higher than it otherwise would have been, and so once the system gets a redesign it might make for a more compelling purchase. In the here an now though, the system is ugly as sin, and one is seriously concerned about system mortality due to overheating.

Stripping control from Playstation of Japan was the beginning of the end.
Sony of California see all from their lair atop the peaks of Mount Goon!

Also worth noting is that the system comes in two SKUs; a standard console, and a ‘Digital Edition’, which lacks a disc drive. An Ultra HD Blu-Ray drive costs about $20 to a normie consumer who is not buying them in bulk, and the disc drive used in the PS5 does not need to meet any sort of spec since games are played from the system’s SSD, meaning that Sony is always able to source the cheapest disc drives on the market – so how much does Sony plan on gouging customers for the privilege of having a disc drive in their console? You do not create two different SKUs with a substantial difference in the plastic moulding of their casing, only to simply charge customers an extra $50 for the console. This is only a hunch, and the pricing of both SKUs still remains unknown as Sony and Microsoft play chicken over pricing, but one is bracing for Sony to give customers an absolute reaming over a $20 disc drive.

The Games

Writing about exclusives used to be a much easier thing to do – but these days cross generational development is such a big thing, and releasing on the PC is such a big thing, that a lot of the time something is considered to be exclusive even when releasing on PC. Further muddying the waters is the fact that Sony are certainly not going to be honest about which platforms a game is actually releasing for, since they have a vested interest in hyping the PS5. As such, one has separated the newly announced PS5 games into three categories: Playstation brand exclusives, third party games which may or may not be exclusive, and multi-platform releases. There is a certain margin of error here, as additional platforms for many of these titles may be announced in the coming weeks.

Playstation Brand Exclusives

Horizon II: Forbidden West was probably the only game shown which looked next generational in terms of graphical fidelity, and even saying that comes with some major caveats. Only cutscene footage was shown off, meaning that we still do not know how the game will look during gameplay, and even then the game only looks next generational in comparison to Horizon: Zero Dawn. Also, if the devs are only showing off cutscene footage then will it even be ready for release? Horizon II is the sort of game that could definitely drive PS5 adoption, but if it is not ready for launch then the potential launch sales of the PS5 will be severely blunted. That being said, perhaps Sony are simply withholding gameplay footage so that they can give Horizon II its own hype event a little bit closer to launch.

It is still only a PS3 remaster though...
Demon’s Souls is one of the few good games on the PS5.

Ratchet & Clank: Rift Apart certainly did not look next generational in terms of graphics, but it was in terms of making use of the PS5’s ultra fast SSD. The game has a mechanic where players can instantly jump into one of several different universes, and this happens instantly. If new PS5 owners were looking to prove the potency of their SSD secret sauce then this would be the game to get, because it looks to serve very well as the proof of concept for all of the amazing things that Sony have been claiming about their SSD technology. As with Horizon II, no release date appears to have been revealed.

Gran Turismo 7 has been announced, and it also has no release date. Visuals have long been a strong suit for Gran Turismo, and so this looks to be suffering a little from diminishing returns. Gran Turismo 7 looks a lot like Gran Turismo Sport, just with added ray-traced reflections. Also, thanks to the PS5 SSD this may be the first Gran Turismo title since the PS2 that is not rendered almost unplayable due to excessive loading times.

Housemarque are working on some sort of sci-fi shooter called Returnal, they should probably have called it Urinal. Visually it sort of looks like Mass Effect, if Mass Effect starred the oldest and ugliest Karen in gaming.

Sumo Digital are working on Sackboy: A Big Adventure. Obviously the game stars Sackboy from Little Big Planet, only unlike that game there appears to be no player creation involved. Instead, the game looks like a discount bin Mario Odyssey, though even discount bin Mario Odyssey is probably fairly good.

The PS5 will have a pack-in game! Astro’s Playroom will come pre-loaded in every PS5, and so owners will have something to play even if they only picked it up as a 4K blu-ray player. Astro’s Playroom is a 3D platformer, and each of its four worlds is themed after one of the major components of the PS5 hardware.

Spider-Man: Miles Morales actually will be out for Christmas 2020, and there is a very good likelihood that this will be the only notable PS5 game available at launch. The game looks very much like it is just an expansion for the recent Spider-Man PS4 game, so one would not be all that surprised to later discover that it is also getting a PS4 release – but then Sony may decide to artificially cuck PS4 owners in order to move more PS5s.

Bluepoint are doing a Demon’s Souls remake. Bluepoint previously remade Shadow of the Colossus for the PS4, which was generally regarded as fantastic work on their part. Their take on Demon’s Souls looks great, so no complaints there. This is another PS5 exclusive without a release date.

Luminous Productions is working on Project Athia, which has apparently been confirmed as being exclusive to the PS5 and PC. Luminous Productions is the development team which developed Final Fantasy XV, and was previously led by Hajime Tabata. Project Athia looks to use the Luminous Engine, and graphically it looks very similar to Final Fantasy XV, only it looks to be even less stylised and more generic than that game. The dragons look pretty though. The game looks to be about a girl who can jump and throw magic. Please contain your excitement. Looking at Project Athia, it is like Hajime Tabata never left.

Destruction Allstars will release in 2021, and is basically Destruction Derby after being run through the most aggressive homosexual filter you could find, and cranking that filter up to eleven. It is basically going for that ‘Fortnite with a limp wrist’ look. With Sony on publishing duties, the game appears to be a PS5 exclusive – XBros and Nintendonlies are likely beside themselves with jealousy at this veritable sequin in the PS5’s flimsy plastic tiara!

Kena: Bridge of Spirits will be releasing Christmas 2020 for PS5, PS4, and PC. This action-adventure title has players assuming control of a young girl as she leads around a group of Porgs who appear to have come to her by way of a BLM riot. Visually, the game looks quite generic, but at the same time the density of environmental detail, coupled with the saturation and gradients of colours used come off as looking quite visually appealing. Before developing Kena the game’s creators, Ember Lab, had spent the previous seven years rendering CGI for commercials, and it kind of shows in the way that the game resembles a mid-tier CGI film. That being said, it is anyone’s guess as to what they will bring to the table in terms of gameplay. This game is a timed Playstation exclusive.

Third Party Games of Dubious Exclusivity

Annapurna Interactive have announced two games for the PS5, PS4, and PC. The first is Stray, which will release in 2021. Players will take control of a cat, and explore a cyberpunk city populated by robots, where something has seemingly wiped out mankind. The second game is Solar Ash, and also releases in 2021. This looks to be the sequel to Hyperlight Drifter, only this time the action takes place in a fully 3D environment.

Goodbye Volcano High is the face of the PS5.
Goodbye Playstation.

Shinji Mikami’s Ghostwire Tokyo was shown off. It looks very visually interesting, but the jerky gameplay shown off has one worried that the game will either be a VR title or on-rails.

Jett: The Far Shore is an art game for the PS5, PS4, and PC, it is made by the people who did Sword and Sworcery, and that is all one has to say about it.

Little Devil Inside is also an arty farty game, but this one looks like it might be enjoyable. The player looks to control a character who is located inside another character and doing things. The visuals look good, but also vaguely unsettling, almost as though the game is Bowser’s Inside Story passed through an Eastern European filter. The game will release for PS5, PS4, and PC.

Deathloop from Arkane Studios was shown off a while ago, but we now know that is will be coming to PS5, PS4, and PC for Christmas 2020. The game basically looks like ‘Groundhog Day’, if ‘Groundhog Day’ were a blacksploitation shooter.

Oddworld: Soulstorm is set to pick up where New ‘N’ Tasty left off, and is a traditional style 2D Oddworld adventure. It will release for the PS5, PS4, and PC in 2020.

Gearbox’s Godfall was one of the earliest games announced for the PS5, and it still looks just as bad as when it was initially unveiled. The game looks cheap in the way that FTP games look cheap, only it seems unlikely that Gearbox intend this to be FTP. Setting the trailer to bad hip hop really did not help it go down well either. The game will release for PS5 and PC in 2020. No mention has been made as to the game’s exclusivity, though the absence of a Series X announcement probably means there will be some kind of exclusivity period, if only because they did not bother to develop an Xbox version.

Young Horses, the studio behind Octodad, is releasing an adventure-platformer for the PS5, PS4, and PC called Bugsnax. The game will be set on an island populated with insects, the segments of which are comprised of various morsels of junk food. If Kena: Bridge of Spirits looks like a moderately budgeted CGI film, then Bugsnax looks like the very cheapest CGI anthropomorphic talking animal advert that you could find on British television. This game will probably give Caspius PTSD. Bugsnax will be out Christmas 2020.

Goodbye Volcano High is a super angsty Tumblr calarts game staring a non-binary furry named Fang. Yah… Into the bin it goes.

Multi-Platform Games

Capcom announced two games during the Playstation even. Village: Resident Evil (which is stylised to form the ‘VIII’ numeral) is a game that TDT has already covered in the form of rumours and leaks, and what was shown here confirms our reporting. This will be a first person Resident Evil title, which has the player fight their way from the titular village, all the way through to the castle on the hill – while being chased by a recurring witch enemy. This is giving off very strong Resident Evil 4 vibes, in terms of setting. Also, for some reason Chris Redfield seems unusually grimdark in this game. Village: Resident Evil will release in 2021 for the PS5, Series X, and PC. One was a little surprised at this, because rumours had previously suggested that the game was also coming to PS4 and Xbox One. The game does not look too far beyond the capability of those consoles, but then the PS5 footage shown here did demonstrate frame rate issues, so perhaps Capcom was having problems getting the current versions running, and just said fuck it. The second game Capcom revealed was Pragmata, which is scheduled to release in 2022 for PS5, Series X, and PC. The trailer starred an astronaut, a holographic cat, and a little girl who looked a lot like Newt from ‘Aliens’. The trailer was highly conceptual in nature, and gave very little indication as to what to expect in terms of gameplay.

It is also available on other, better platforms.
Village: Resident Evil Looks amazing!

Hitman III is coming January of 2021 for PS5, PS4, XBO, Series X, and PC. One was sure that there was already a third Hitman game. Regardless, there will be more Hitman.

NBA 2k21 will be available in 2020. It is a sport game. Also, it is not NBA Jam.

Literally the first game that was unveiled at the Sony event for the PS5 was Grand Theft Auto V: Expanded and Enhanced, coming 2021 for PS5 and Series X. The re-release of this PS3 game is truly perplexing! Sony made a big song and dance about the PS5 being backwards compatible, so why would gamers not simply play their PS4 versions of the game? Have Sony not made that version of the game backwards compatible? Are Rockstar planning on pulling the plug on the PS4 version of GTA Online, in order to force people to buy a new copy of their (by then) eight year old game?! The mind boggles!

In Conclusion

Wow, what a terrible presentation. For anyone who is super invested in the Horizon franchise, then maybe the presentation did the trick, but for anyone who does not care about Soyny’s woke-ass games this was a deathly boring affair. Also, Silent Hill was not shown, which was the one thing that this author was actually excited to see. The whole thing was a complete bust. The PS5 looks like shit, it is weaker than the Series X, and the games all suck. Village: Resident Evil looks great, but it is also available on other systems that do not suck as much as the PS5.

... We’ll always have Midgar.
Look Sony, it’s not me, it’s you…

One final point of interest to note is that right out of the gate the brand new hardware offered by the PS5 is not some magic bullet that will make good on all of Sony’s promises for the next generation. While watching the stream Digital Foundry pointed out that all the first party games that were running at a native 4K resolution with ray-tracing enabled were locked at 30fps, while the games that were running at 60fps tended to have a sub-native resolution. This author is certain that we will see some games with a native 4K resolution which also hit a 60fps frame rate, but that may well not be the norm. Developers will still have to make the choice about whether they want their games to look pretty or play smoothly. Frankly, with decent AA enabled pristine 4K is not all that important anyway – or at least it is not all that important unless your television is the size of a literal wall!

Readers who plan on buying a PS5 and who want to get a better feel for what games will be available during the system’s launch year should also check out my post from two weeks ago, which lists every previously confirmed PS5 game. Viewing these two posts together will provide a pretty good picture of what 2021 looks like for the PS5.

3 comments

  1. I was very underwhelmed by the PS5, though others seem to think this presentation was somehow the nail in Xbox’s coffin. I just don’t see it. Maybe if MS similarly underwhelms in July, but I just don’t see myself picking up a PS5 until its equivalent of Bloodborne releases, which is a bummer. My living room OLED TV begs for excellent games to play on it, but sadly, all of the good games are relegated to the PC.

  2. I feel the same way,

    I guess maybe if you were super interested in Horizon II, GT 7, or the Demon’s Souls remaster then maybe that would sway your opinion. I don’t really care about that though. I have no interest in Horizon, Demon’s Souls seems non-essential, and I would prefer to play Forza Horizon than a GT game. And above all we all already knew these games were coming anyway.

    A new Square Enix exclusive could have been big news, but it doesn’t look very good.

    I was waiting to see Silent Hill, but that was a no show.

    And the system itself looks like a modern art disaster.

    I’m hoping that nothing essential releases on PS5 until the system gets a slim redesign, because it is just too big and too ugly!

    A very dull event.

  3. A long, wet fart by Sony, instead of a trumpet voluntary. Ah, the hubris of those on top in the Game Industry. Does it ever change? (No, it does not ever change.)

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