News: Atlus Humiliates Square Enix on Steam

Person 4 Steam Launch Bigger Than Final Fantasy XV

On this week’s podcast we mentioned the rumour that Persona 4 may be coming to Steam, and it sure did not take long for that information to be borne out. Persona 4 released on Steam this week replete with some very nice visual options in tow. Also in tow was some not so nice Denuvo DRM, which fucks with PCs in suboptimal ways. That is probably not such a big sticking point however, as Denuvo DRM tends to get patched out of games over time. Atlus want to protect their game on release, but after they have made their money then hopefully they will do the right thing by owners. That being said, Steam already serves as a DRM safeguard, so why do Atlus even need extra DRM on top of this for their twelve year old offline single player game? It is odd, but whatever. The game is great, it is a good thing that it is on Steam, and a lot of people agree with this sentiment.

Not. Any. More.
Final Fantasy XV was the previous standard barer when it came to JRPG success on Steam.

How many people agree with that sentiment? Enough people to push in Final Fantasy XV’s shit while also setting a new Steam record. Final Fantasy XV previously held the record for most people concurrently playing an offline JRPG at 29,279 users, but Persona 4 completely smashed this number at 29,984 users – bam!

Final Fantasy has wedged its way to irrelevancy.
Persona 4 has given Final Fantasy XV a deep, hard dicking.

This is pretty much a perfect outcome. Final Fantasy XV is a wretched game, and it never should have held this record. On the other hand, Persona 4 is a wonderful game, it features SMT best girl Yukiko, and one hopes that it will continue to hold this record for a long time to come. But let us just consider what has been done here. Persona is now a bigger franchise than Final Fantasy, at least on Steam. Final Fantasy XV with all of its shiny graphics, open world, and focus tested Western gamer sensibilities managed to get knocked off by an unapologetically weebcentric JRPG comfort food game that was originally released in 2008! Sega and Atlus would have to be happy with this outcome.

Russian Bots Tank The Last of Us 2 User Score

The Last of Us 2 has been released now, and there is a wide consensus that it is both stunning and brave, and the best thing ever. The game has a Metacritic score of 95. There are ninety-four professional reviews on Metacritic, and only three bigots failed to deliver it a less than glowing review. They should be re-educated on why their opinions are wrong, clearly. These dissenting reviewers probably say the N-word on the regular.

Only nonpersons would say otherwise.
This is a smelly lesbian masterpiece!

So aside from these three clearly racist and homophobic reviewers there is universal acclaim for The Last of Us 2, only something very odd has occurred since the game’s release. Once the user review portion of Metacritic opened up following the game’s release, it began picking up an abnormal number of negative reviews. The game, as of writing, has 37,941 user reviews, and a meta score of just 3.6. These user reviews are comprised of 14,445 negative reviews, 689 mixed reviews, and just 5,097 positive reviews. That means there is roughly three negative reviews to every one positive review.

These reviews very clearly cannot be legitimate and organic, and we know this because reviewers are employed as professional consumer advocates, who are paid to predict the tastes and requirements of their audience, and recommend software on that basis. Because of this it is impossible that user reviews could be this out of step with professional reviews, since reviewers are experts in consumer tastes. As such, these negative reviews could only be the result of evil bots, and certainly not the manifestation of consumer disagreement. Or at least this is the thinking of The Last of Us 2 actresses Laura Bailey (Abby) and Shannon Woodward (Dina):

Shannon Woodward: A lot of very upset bots afoot today

Laura Bailey: All of the bots

Shannon Woodward: The bot farms are fulllllyyy activated rn

Shannon Woodward: An HONOR tbh

Since these reviews cannot possibly be sincere, these actresses have every reason to so casually dismiss them. It is not like this could come back to sting them, because these are not even real people. Instead, these user reviews are the dastardly work of Vladimir Putin, in his unceasing efforts to get Blonald Blumpf reelected. They are in no way real, and should not be taken seriously. That being the case, perhaps someone should inform the game’s director Neil Druckmann that these user reviews are not sincere verdicts on the game, as he appears to be operating under the mistaken belief that these fraudulent Russian bot reviews are actual user reviews of the game:

Oh man… in just a few hours we have almost DOUBLE the number of user reviews for #TheLastofUsPartII than the first game received in seven years. Love that passion! *kissyface*

No Neil, these are not real user reviews, they are the work of Russian bots. If you buy into Putin’s elaborate ruse here then Dorlund Blormph wins in November! These are actually fake reviews, because to admit otherwise is to acknowledge that everyone hates your game, because it is not actually very good.

Guinness Caves, Restores Billy Mitchell’s Records

Back in May TDT covered the story that Billy Mitchell was in the process of launching lawsuits against various bodies and individuals in response to having all of his gaming records overturned after it was discovered that he used an emulator to set at least some of those scores. There are certain sub-divisions of gaming records where using emulators is permissible, but the records that Billy Mitchell was setting specifically required for genuine arcade hardware to be used, because these were the top tier of records and it is too easy to cheat when using emulators. After being tipped off, Twin Galaxies, the organisation that Guinness Records went through to source their gaming records, re-examined the footage that Billy Mitchell submitted as evidence of his gaming feats, and discovered visual artefacts that were only consistent with the game being played through an emulator.

What value is there in a stollen record?
Apparently Donkey Kong scores are worth all this bullshit.

This was grounds for Billy Mitchell being stripped of all his records, which is entirely consistent with the company’s policies. In stripping Mitchell of his records Twin Galaxies never once mentioned cheating because they did not have to, it was enough that he falsely claimed to have made the records on actual hardware – and people were free to draw their own conclusions from there. Despite the careful announcement of Twin Galaxies, the sore loser Billy Mitchell has decided to sue them, along with the Youtuber who brought it to their attention, for besmirching his good reputation by repeating the technical information.

It would seem that this was all a bit too much for Guinness Records. Due to their association with Twin Galaxies it is clear that they were a little concerned about their legal exposure to this, and so they folded like a wet paper bag by giving Billy Mitchell back all of his records. They even uploaded a shameful propaganda video of Billy Mitchell leering at the camera.

In the light of compelling new evidence received by Guinness World Records, the Records Management Team has unanimously decided to reverse decisions made in April 2018 in regards to videogame high scores achieved by Billy Mitchell between 1982 and 2010. 

Compelling new evidence? What compelling new evidence? None has been supplied for the sake of transparency. What compelling new evidence can overturn video footage that conclusively proves that Mitchell’s records were set using emulation? One is not an expert in these matters by any measure, yet one has significant doubts that such a thing can be done. This looks a whole lot like a company capitulating in order to dodge a legal entanglement, and not even a particularly sticky entanglement at that. A company that is dedicated to record keeping is not even willing to safeguard the veracity of their own records, and so Guinness Records are worth about as much as the effort they are willing to put into protecting them.

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