News: Le Morte d’Veeeee Arrrrrrr

No PS5s on Store Shelves on Launch Day!

PS5 is launching on November 12, just a handful of days from now… Or is it? Sony has reached out to the gaming “press” to warn consumers that they will be unable to find a PS5 on store shelves on November 12, the day of its release. Sony has very specifically stated that the reason for this is that they care so very much about the Covid hoax, and would so very much hate for the unprecedented demand surrounding their console to lead to customers infecting one another with the flu, and then accidentally ending the life of their 90 year old uncle who is sick at home with terminal throat cancer! Another tragic statistic of Covid-19! Saintly good guy Sony!

No PS5s to be had, even for those who want them.
November 12 sounds like a good time to stock up on an extra Switch.

This, of course, is absolute hogwash. Sony has been unable to produce enough PS5 consoles for launch, and so they are making use of this woke virtue signal in order to duck consumer criticism over availability issues. Sony would have you believe that Covid-19 has done for the PS5 the same way it did for toilet paper, only bogroll is actually useful. If Sony had consoles to sell, then they absolutely would be doing that! This is simply a strategic lie.

Hi all – the launch of the PlayStation 5 console on November 12 (or November 19, depending on your region) is almost upon us! In the interest of keeping our gamers, retailers, and staff safe amidst COVID-19, today we are confirming that all day-of launch sales will be conducted through the online stores of our retail partners.

No units will be available in-store for purchase on launch day (November 12 or November 19, depending on your region) – please don’t plan on camping out or lining up at your local retailer on launch day in hopes of finding a PS5 console for purchase. Be safe, stay home, and place your order online.

Who do Sony think they are kidding? On November 12 many more people will walk into stores looking for Nintendo Switches than will Sony fanboys looking for a deformed monstrosity with no games.

Square Enix Posts an Avengers-Shaped Loss

Square Enix loves making shitty Western games, and nothing is shittier and Westerner than a Marvel’s Avengers licensed movie game! Square Enix also loves the idea of ‘games as a service’, and the recurring payments that entails through micro-transactions and expansion ‘seasons’, but that only works if users stick around. They thought they had bugman catnip with the Marvel’s Avengers license, but a license alone cannot make a shitty game fun to play, and the game’s audience dropped it almost as soon as they picked up a controller. People tried out the game’s “beta test” in their droves, millions of those people still bought the game when it launched at full price, no doubt believing that there would be more to it when it launched in full, but when it became evident that there really was nothing to the game, people dropped it like a turd. Now the game has literally hundreds of concurrent players. Millions of people bought the game, but Square Enix projectected millions of additional sales, and budgeted in a long life of micro-transactions. This obviously did not happen.

This game is as dead as Anthem.
For $190 million dollars they couldn’t license the actors from the films?

Sqare Enix have posted a quarterly loss of 6.5 billion Yen, or around $63 million USD. They have not divulged the budget of the game, but based on their figures the game’s budget is predicted to have been between $170 million USD and $190 million USD. Ouch! Every time devs think they can half-ass a ‘games as a service’ game, and just fix it after launch, and every time they are surprised when it blows up in their face.

Square Enix – reported Yen6.5bn loss for HD Games driven by Marvel Avengers, would not say how many sold but that volumes were 60% of plan. Implies game cost over $100m to make but only sold 3m or so. Ouch

Marvel Avengers- it looks like the total cost of the game is closer to $170m-$190m given they only expenses 70% of cost in the qtr plus marketing costs. Why someone didn’t say stop post the multiplayer beta will remain a mystery . Square are adamant they can make a recovery ….

Square Enix are adamant they can make a recovery, after all they are the company that brought Final Fantasy XIV back from the brink of death, but here they do not quite get it. People love Final Fantasy, so there was a huge audience of people who were deeply invested in seeing Square Enix make good on A Realm Reborn. People do not love The Avengers, or at least not really. Avengers was closer to a fad, and with the release of Endgame that fad was spent. Even if there is an audience of people who still love those awful Marvel movies, nobody gives a shit about a failed movie tie-in game from Eidos! There will not be anyone waiting for Square Enix to salvage this mess.

Sony Kills PSVR

Sweet vindication. We told them that VR was destined for the scrap heap. Did they heed our words? No! It would be different this time! VR has never had such clear visuals! VR has never had such good head tracking! VR has never had such a high framerate! Surely VR will work out this time and everyone will convert to playing their games in a restrictive pair of goggles! Well, it turns out that Sony has a console for people who prefer VR in their games, and it is called the PS4!

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SAVE VR, NOT KILL IT!
B E L I E V E

Sony has completely killed off the PSVR experiment, and the only support for VR on PS5 comes in the form of backwards compatible PS4 titles that support VR. Updated versions of Hitman 3 and No Man’s Sky are being released on PS5, and neither game will support VR. The only way to play those games on PS5 using VR is to own the PS4 versions. The lack of VR support cannot be explained away as mere launch teething issues either, as Sony has no plans for VR game releases, and no plans for VR in general for at least two years:

Will it be this year? No. Will it be next year? No. But will it come at some stage? We believe that.

Believe ye VR faithful! Cling to that ray of hope! So you are telling us there is still a chance, Jim?!

Protip: a company that was serious about VR would not have a two year moratorium on it. There is not going to be any VR after this two year deadline has elapsed, Jim Ryan is simply giving false hope to the people who bought into PSVR so that they do not throw their toys out of the pram during the launch of the PS5. PSVR is absolutely dead though, and it is not coming back. Sony tried to make money with VR, and the audience did not show up, so now it is dead. That being said, the saddest part of this whole situation is that this same group of people who bought into the VR hype will not listen to us whenever VR comes back around next cycle.

2 comments

  1. I’ve always would have rather played the primitive 90’s VR games like Dactyl Nightmare or Max Headroom’s Punch-Out, than anything that came out in the past few years. Nothing but cubes, spheres, and cones for me.

  2. At least the cubes, spheres, and cones are unlikely to make you puke. Western developers can’t even make NON-VR first-person games without encouraging players to run for the nearest toilet. The Witness made me genuinely ill to play, and imagine having that experience in a big, hot, clunky helmet!

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